Dude is built like a brick shit house. What an interesting world you live in.

Is prosicutor anything like prosciutto, that deliciously thin sliced ham? Because if so, I can support this inditement.

SMOKE, is that you?

Your NASCAR smash 'em ups are so intricate and nuanced. Thanks for that explanation.

Also heard on the ABC Sports Radio this morning, "I feel that it's wrong to talk about something like branding right now, but I can't help but talk about it." Dude goes on for five minutes about what this will do to Stewart's image.

In my head, you pronounce crying as cryin'. Also in my head, you eat paste. Tell me if I'm warm.

But NASCAR went to Stanford.

Is this Kevin Ward a lady? That makes a difference.

Look, it's his first time to Deadspin. So cute.

Zing!

"PRAYERS TO THAT POOR MAN THAT GOT HIT IN THIS VIDEO." -SMOKE

Turn left!

I worry about the people in your life. You have the coldness and logic of a serial killer.

I love you MRM guys. I still have a hard time understanding how when a very large football player husband, knocks his wife out cold, drags her lifeless and limp body around a hotel, and that's not called "domestic abuse." Please, explain it to me again. I love your groups perspective.

As lame and as gross as this contest is, god damn does it generate a lot of attention. One of my elitist asshole friends, who normally doesn't have time for what ever the peasants are doing, asked me if I tried any of the new flavors of chips. My mom went out and bought all the new bags so she and my step dad could…

I'm really kicking myself for not drafting Israel in my Yahoo! Fantasy War League.

Oh man. This is where I come to read dickish, cold hearted hilarious snark. Take your serious ISRAEL! HAMAS! bullshit over to Gawker.

Well said.

Who fucking says doper? Are you 80 years old? Do you refer to the internet as the internets?