A kid next to me in an 8 am college class asked me at the end of the semester if my hair was "naturally like that?"

I mean, I have an old typewriter. Should I go type boobs a bunch of times and draw boobs? I could build my retirement fund.

I... that artwork... why do I exist? Why is this happening?

If it were my weekly job to write these I would do a shot before each one. Just sayin'. Go ahead. Call me Ellen.

Yup, same brother.

My first question, too.

My brother still calls me "Rex". I was never anorexic. Nice, right?

Glad you like it, it's still in the works.

That was the "climate" he was referring to living in. He moved to New York in his late teens/twenties and didn't return to California (and then only to visit) in his sixties.

Get ahold of yourself, California.

We don't those in these parts. Maybe that would change my opinion.

I love Spring and Summer and Fall and FUCKING WINTER. Every time it snows I'm excited all over again.

I have plenty of my own, hence my staunch, hardened character.

"I've lived in good climate, and it bores the hell out of me. I like weather rather than climate."

2,0000% this post.

"Only now can he truly grasp what it must feel like to be Mally the monkey, abandoned and rudderless in a strange nation. " God I love you, Callie. Never change.

As someone who actually went to school for an additional 5 years to earn their Ph.D in Snuggleology, I find this deeply problematic. This woman is a quack.

I like to take any mention of Sharknado as an opportunity to tell everyone that I convinced my husband that it is a legitimate documentary by Werner Herzog.

Oh man, that puppy is doing his best to be fearsome and failing mightily.

OMG now I like Rhianna.