Oh Pops, I continue to love everything about you.

They still sell them at every single airport, right?

Wow. Just wow.

How much could I charge to let people on the internet watch me make my bed and then snuggle in it???

My family refers to me as The Hairy Eyeball.

Oh Callie, you made me laugh so hard with that Knicks game shit. The Knicks and the Lakers. What the actual hell.

I think it's the jars.

I didn't watch the Grammys but now I want a Tom Collins.

Another reason I don't hang out with babies is because they're like, so little. It makes me feel fucking monstrous and really bad about myself. I mean, their waists are like the size of my knee. #babiesmakemefeelbad #gerberdiet

YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

Bahahahahaahah I am dying.

My mom, who announced last night that she "loves Nick Cannon" has declared Justin Biever [sic] to be "over". You heard it here first, kids.

I am with you so hard on this. I can only want to eat healthy food because it's healthy for me. Yes I like my body to look good, but part of that is because it's a reflection of my hard work and effort, it's proof that I'm taking care of it the way that I should.

Pretty fucking nutso to read about Ke$ha being in recovery right before you read about Jillian Michael's hating her perfect body. GETMEOUTTAHERE.

Why do you want to know?

Well I mean, she looks cute like a little ragamuffin I would throw a roll to from atop my steed.

Hey baby, what's the buzz?

I will sign said petition.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAT

Exactly. My body was just normal until it wasn't. No one says, "Oh, this is what a yeast infection feels like" or "This is what chlamydia feels like". They just say, "Have safe sex with one person and eat yogurt".