Somewhat OT, but those outplacement places are the worst. I went to one after being laid off in the early 2000s, mainly because I had dial-up internet and no printer at home.

The cranberry juice thing doesn’t surprise me at all. My “coach” told me that most companies wouldn’t hire me because I had a beard, and I…

Mr. President, how many times do we have to ask you to stop reading Deadspin and get back to work?

I remember when Simmons beefed with Keith Olbermann and called him “my career worst-case scenario.”

“Loooks liiiike he maaaade iiiiiiiiiiit....”

Page 2 also gave us Michael Davies writing about the 2002 World Cup, which was the first time I ever paid attention to soccer. When he showed up as one of the Men in Blazers those many years later, it was super gratifying.

I mean, assuming this wasn’t a joke, this is like if Craig Kilborn tried to shit all over Jon Stewart for doing The Daily Show, right?

Or maybe...you can try doing any single thing that happened in that video, at which point you can do whatever you like. Or you can shut the everloving fuck up and let the rest of us enjoy it.

Yeah, that sounds better.

Don’t forget CPAC legacy hire Jonah Goldberg’s book-like product “Liberal Fascism” a couple years ago...

Actually, DO forget that.

(Nazi voice) I think you mean...six and three-fifths (looks at Ben Carson)

Thanks for stopping by, Mr. Skipper.

Sadly, it’ll probably just be more “Katie reading tweets at big events!” which is the biggest fucking waste of talent since...another thing that was a big waste of talent, I don’t know.

Not trolling...not highlight truthing...new to the game and have been reading the Laws of the Game to try to figure this out.

And when that guy showed you his own house, where he presumably used all those architects and plumbers and electricians, and there is exposed wiring wrapped around leaky pipes, you back away slowly and call somebody else.

I love iPhone Diver Guy, but isn’t he Spanish? Isn’t that the pool from the Barcelona Olympics? That’s what I always assumed, but I’m too lazy to Google.

re: Fire this Asshole!

Not even kidding, one time in Jr. High while we were in History class learning about the Nazis, I read a description of a swastika as a “cross with arms bent at 90 degree angles.”

Apropos of nothing, I have a Mike Greenburg anecdote.

Mid-90s I was filling in for the receptionist at my office when he and his parents came in. Turns out his parents were old family friends with the guy who owned our company, and they were stopping by to have lunch. The owner’s son came out to greet them and let them…

Come on now, your broker and podiatrist don’t count as “friends”

It will look and sound an awful lot like a bunch of white people whining about how it’s all Obama’s fault.

Did Napoleon Kaufman also suffer a horrifying knee injury? Because Napoleon McCallum did...

I recently took a job for a second stint in the Federal government, and man am I regretting it. I’ve been in state government most recently, where I liked it ok, but I caught a lot of crap just for doing what seemed like my job.

Now I don’t know. I can’t go back to my state job, but I’m really afraid this orange idiot…