My son is also named Bork.

Now that trade makes even less sense...

You forgot, “with a hard on for Russian strongmen .”

Nah. The fact that 20% of the electorate is choosing to nominate a reality TV star, business failure buffoon who makes the President of Turkmenistan look sane and dignified is probably the most insane thing that has happened in my lifetime. It needs to be talked about and derided as much as humanly possible.

No. Now shut up and get me my fries.

No no no - Rocket survived. It was Benny who died.

I am praying that somehow, some way the Giants find a way to sign him.

Let’s cut the guy some slack on his day off. It’s not easy being a St. Louis policeman.

The NFL needs to give this guy another chance, it’s not like he killed five hookers while at SMU.

I think I’m doing ok! But thanks!

But can she cook a brisket?

Equal parts blazing and correct.

Omg, my ex-FIL has the exact same thing in his family. He had a sister named Gloria. She died when she was like 6 or 7. They had another baby after Gloria died... and named her Gloria. I shit you not, they refer to them as Big (dead) Gloria and Little (alive) Gloria. It squicks me the fuck out.

Is he ghost farting his way up to space heaven?

I already know how I am going to be remembered. Pictures are for suckers.

My dad was in the military, so I grew up around military people, and there are certain people in or married to someone in the service, that are pretty much obsessed with getting everything they can get from that connection and milking it for all it’s worth. Not just tangible stuff either, but sympathy and attention.…

My FAVORITE thing about those is the ones with live relatives. No matter how still they tried to be for the camera they shifted and moved, so they appear ever so slightly blurred while the dead person, totally still, is captured crisply. It’s so unnerving.

I'm not proud I laughed at that...

Would you like a morbid and horrible story to start the day?

The Deadspin crew are a bunch of jabrones, but they’re pretty solid jabrones as far as jabrones go.