If Stevie Wonder can see, explain that hairstyle. No self respecting brother would maintain that hairline and not take a razor to their scalp. He'd be sporting a fresh baldie.

He probably won't recognize Derek Jeter, LeBron James, or Pavel Datsuk when he's wearing their jerseys either. That's just the way the bandwagon rolls.

Mila Kunis, with the exception of her significant other, is the worst steadily working actor in Hollywood.

I lived in Kalamazoo, where WMU is located, for almost six years. You would not believe how extensive that network is, brother.

Let me know how Bob Kraft enjoys that blow job.

If (and this is a big "if") the Lions ever get to the Super Bowl, this is how I imagine they will lose. That's when I'll rue the waiting period for getting a firearm and I'll have to OD on pills.

As a shit eating bureaucrat, I'm offended to be put in the same class as the Hammer.

I can't root for Boston teams in any major sport. All the fucking sore winning is tiresome. I get it, you're great and I'm a loser. Now don't you have to get back to keeping a schoolbus full of black kids out of Southie?

Don't fuck with people's money, period. That shit's not cute.

The reigning Super Bowl champs are the OTHER team. Come get the crown?

Tough luck, Tackleberry.

I've been seeing Detroit As Fuck shirts here since the summer. The wearer always has the requisite neck tat.

The spelling of his name is only slightly better than Jeramee. Only slightly, though.

He does his job exceedingly better than anyone reading this likely does their jobs. He went to Cal for free, makes millions of dollars, and is allowed to pay a fine so he doesn't have to interact with known assholes.

Goodell should make Belichick coach the Browns again. That'll erase all that "genius" talk for good.

My ex-boss, from my first job out of college, was a sports fanatic. He talked to every guy in the office about sports on a near constant basis. This guy I went to college with joined the company and he was sports averse. My boss would try to talk to him about sports and he would shut him down pretty quick. That…

Every man should wear a wristwatch, a simple one. If you dig in your pocket for your cell phone to get the time, you are a neanderthal.

No, it was the Erik Kramer game. Erik fucking Kramer.

I've been on this earth for 44 years and I've only seen the Lions win one playoff game. That was 24 years ago.

I'm a goddamn Lions fan. My team's name will never appear on an NFC Champions' shirt. If by some series of errors or calamity we go to the Super Bowl, any number of long suffering Lions fan would be justified in this level of excitement. A Patriots fan? Nope.