Or Brian Williams maybe.

Maybe he was hanging out with T. J. Miller.

a joint practice would’ve lined up nicely with 4/20

Hey, you know hard it is to slide in a wheel chair or with crutches?

They amended every single rulebook to expressly say that animals can’t play. Took care of that problem.

You knew there was going to be a problem when Notre Dame Cristo Rey announced that they’d be giving the start to Charlie Brown.

I think it would be really hilarious way to score a moral victory if the opposing team, down 82-0, stopped throwing any hittable pitches. Walk 45 runs in in a row. If the batter tries to swing at the horrible non-strikes, bean them. Force the game late into the night, far into the triple digits. In fact, maybe you…

“There’s ice all over the air canada centre too, they should cancel the Leafs game. Please, just cancel it, we can’t do this anymore” Torontonians

Probably busted on some indirect introduction of Tide Pods in his system.

I have never...attempted to gain a competitive advantage.

I had to sit through my sister’s High School Musicals. It was worth it just so I get these jokes.

Well, he would, but y’know. Bone spurs. Otherwise he’d gladly run in there unarmed and take that guy out.

He should have stuck with fencing.

That day officially began at 11 a.m., per his public schedule, when Trump received his daily intelligence briefing.

I sleep well at night knowing I won’t have to explain to my grandkids someday that I was one of the good Germans.

“Please don’t hate. Hatred only destroys.”

These kids aren’t getting attention for their policy acumen - they’re getting attention because they are expressing the agony and frustration many of us feel about this issue, and doing it in an emotionally honest, direct and fearless manner. They’re standing up to national institutions like the NRA that were thought…

As an Australian, I’m pretty conflicted about the whole thing. At first I was pretty disgusted about it and I still think it’s a reprehensible thing for them to have done.

killed in Vietnam by his own troops

Apparently Gianni Versace faked his own death.