Or the catchall, "I masturbate to the team photo."

Good description. Except for the crap streaked legs part. That was too vivid.

Oh, I think i pooped.

How do you fit one of those puppies down the neck of a Heineken bottle?

How do you fit one of those puppies down the neck of a Heineken bottle?

My predictions:

It's like The Matrix of jizz..

Well below world record pace. Disappointing really.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Which is which?

This is where the classy owner part of his brain used to be located.

Pants on Fire. The whole fucking lot of you, Pants on Fire.

I'm not sure if this is more disturbing or disappointing.

There goes the pension Bill. Uh, no, it's back on.

Richard Butt is being buried next to Richard Head.

It's like the outtakes from The Little Rascals, with Erin Andrews playing Darla.

Probably just wanted to screw ya.

He's only four feet tall. Shoulda used HGH.

He would have gotten less if he knocked out Ray Rice in an elevator.

Excellent! I'm heading for the Weber.

You need to give us left handed instructions, because if there's barbequing to be done, I've got a beer attached to my right one.