I like to believe that they have totally kinky, nasty sex together. There is just no way that these two are not fucking. I will sail this ship right over the edge of the world.

“Oh no! We have too much steak!”

To be honest I can’t fault her for her response to the Flight of the Navigator question. When reading “What drew her to it?” my reaction was “A damn paycheck, what do you think!” It’s not like she was Meryl Streep or Julia Roberts at that point, at liberty to only be picking and choosing projects she’s “drawn to” (and…

Thank you. Seriously. For this piece and for being a great neighbor. 

Trouble is, none of the suggested wines are cheap and the customer seems uninterested in drinking wine and really wants fruit juice.

I kind of expected some shopping tips other than visiting a smaller store. A coworker turned me onto the Vivino app that gives you wine ratings when you take a picture of the label. Very good for the clearance cart at the local grocery store.

Hey Dannis - more Pizzle updates, please. 💖

While I enjoy most everything y’all do here at Takeout, I gotta say this is the kind of ridiculous fun shit that really makes me happy. I love your batshit culinary adventures and I hope to see many more in the future. That being said I’m not sure I could eat brains.

i’d always heard they were big in the evansville, indiana area. i think alton brown ate one on his motorcycle road trip show and managed to spit or vomit it all up into a trash can.

What ya’ll call “Asian pears” in the US/Europe - they’re big, round, yellow or brown-skinned, and very crispy . . .
But I think they’re only “Dennis Lee pears” in the very small, exclusive supermarket of his mind.

You don’t have to say “gin martini,” because gin is the default; it’s the vodka-preferrers who should have to specify “vodka martini” and who are just plain wrong to have a problem being served gin if they just say “martini.”

Fuck it.  Let’s die on this hill.  The double quarter pounder is fucking delicious. 

Because the damn bartender won’t hand over the entire bottle?

When the Vikings get eliminated from the playoffs again, can you print that phrase on a polo shirt and make Drew wear it every day until the next season starts?

Cut?  More like gnaw straight off the block.

That was the emailest email of the week I’ve ever read in the Funbag!, and I’ve been here for years.

Seriously, SO MANY QUESTIONS. We need a follow-up, STAT.

There needs to be an “Epic Husband Meltdown Stories” column after that.

HOLY SHIT THAT HUSBAND IN THE EMAIL OF THE WEEK

when you get to the state dropdown just hit the letter of your state enough times to have it select the one you want.