Yeah, this just became personal, you know. That raccoon, or as I like to call them loudly: “shit-ass motherfuckers”, will be returning to settle scores. The key is to anticipate this return (you are presumably the smarter one, right? If not, please put your cat on the phone), and prepare an ambush.

“ I figured getting them into RPGs will keep them from getting anyone pregnant.”

I’m surprised they’re killing off the double decker taco, but I guess their numbers say otherwise.

Wait, so they were “visiting a friend” when they noticed they were out of juice, and their friend wouldn’t let them leave the car there to charge? 

Joule thief!

If you’re not eating them shells and all you’re not doing it correctly.

Oh wow, no wonder bartenders seem to love me! I order a beer, smile a bunch, read my book by myself, tip really well, and leave. Turns out bartenders are just like cats, the more you ignore them the more they love you. :D

You also need to never, ever wear those same clothes to the office again. Sure, you didn’t shit on your shirt (or I hope to god you didn’t) but you don’t want people to think “Oh yeah, that’s the purple-and-yellow shirt Dave shat himself in. Ol’ Dave’s shittin’ shirt. God, that guy, just shitting himself all the time…

4% for this experiment pretty much across the board, though I’ve also done just north of 5 with good results in the past.

Can I ask what percentage of sodium citrate you used? Given that 1) aged cheeses don’t melt as effectively and 2) there are some actual non-melting cheeses in here I’m curious how you got it to work.

A kitchen was able to turn out its signature dish really fast... on Valentine’s Day? You felt pressured to turn your table really fast... on Valentine’s Day?

If this place is known for its fried chicken, and they knew they were having a Valentine’s rush, there is also a good chance they were just firing chicken knowing the orders were going to be coming in.  

I eat the shells on peanuts!

Whenever I get a burrito, I open it up, mix up the contents with a fork to get an even ingredient distribution, eat half the filling with the fork, then roll it back up and finish it.

Don’t have to say except shout out to the guy that said his colleagues are preposterous to think they know more than women about their bodies. You da real MVP

Solidarity. 

I would have thought the casual racism and disdain of women were enough to qualify him as a gamer. 

Fuck Tom Brady with a 5 pound beefsteak and drown him in generic ketchup.

The worse thing to happen to Dan Snyder is that Skins fans are apathetic.