Shit still makes me laugh like whoa.

Even though your AFC North picks make me cringe, I have to give you credit for not pulling a Cowherd and putting all your division winners at 10-6 and your division losers at 5-11.

Heh.

Given the way he eluded the defense and actually made it to the end zone, I hope to see this man signed by the Browns before the season begins.

It would appear that the video has been removed.

What a dumbass. He acts like he's the arbiter of cultural knowledge, but he somehow doesn't know that the Eagles were an enormously popular band forty years ago. I was born after they split up, and even I know that.

Can't stand UFC/MMA. It's like professional wrestling, minus all of the things I like about wrestling. And here they are, trying to control what comes in and go out so tightly that nothing ever leaks. They need to learn from the examples set by the larger sports: the media is too powerful for you to control,…

Holy shit.

I can't believe you missed your opportunity to do a Grantland-style piece making analogies between the Ravens and The Wire. Simmons is very disappointed in you right now.

Thank you. This was excellent.

Preseason Browns games are awesome, if only for listening for #19's increasing drunkenness during the games.

My boss hates high fives. I often try to give her a high five, and she refuses. On top of it, she's not a jerk; she's a really good boss. It always weirds me out.

Ouch.

Damn, son.

Drew, you wrote too many words for this one. The Browns suck because they're the Browns. No further explanation needed.

First we have "Dick In a Box," which is a parody of popular music. (Not like a Weird Al parody, which uses a specific song as its basis; more like a Ween parody, which is a song written in a very specific style.)

Dammit, Magary.

Man. I was thinking for a minute that all of my dreams were coming true! Bummer.

With all of the backlash that normally follows an athlete's use of a gay or racial slur, I certainly hope to see some sort of reprimand for this. I'm not advocating for a suspension or a fine; some sort of public shaming would be sufficient.

As a lifelong Browns fan, I am certain to develop liver cancer, eventually. When that day comes, I expect similar treatment from my team!