I wish you could have escorted me while I walked to and from my college and my internship. I wouldn’t even need pepper spray!

I love you. I wish you were my bold, sarcastic friend.

Also I highly enjoy your above-mentioned views on evangelism. It’s like your church is all “we sure love our beliefs and we don’t need anyone else to make us feel like we’re doing what is right for us.” I mean, imagine that.

My sincere thanks for reminding me that some Christian churches are not horrible.

Trying to gauge my potential enjoyment of this show... did your husband like Ex Machina?

You are a Glamazon in spirit. I saw your shoes. Just beautiful. I should take a picture for you of my gaudiest Docs. They are lovely.

So are you like a Glamazon or of average height? Also I had this crush on a friend of mine in college who was 5’6” and I am like 5’4.5.” He was frakking lovely and not insecure and I like constantly wore Doc Martens so I was like .5” taller than him any time he saw me.

Why are short guys so underrated? Actually, when people ask about my man-type I generally point to Gaius Baltar of Battlestar Galactica, who is 5’6”.

You are 100% accurate on the trial basis. Do you want me to report back with a review and after my next sexual encounter so we can examine the efficacy of this system?

I need to Google most of those, but Armand Assante gave me very awkward boners in high school English (we watched The Odyssey). And I’m glad you said Rob Lowe instead of young Rob Lowe. Current Rob Lowe is much better looking.

Now I really want to know your type. Please elaborate.

Yeah maybe next time I should say something more effusive. It was pretty awesome, but it was the first time with him so I didn’t want to be overly commendatory. I think I said “would do again” at some point, but I didn’t go so far as to use a rating scale like a proper reviewer.

Do you think you might call this... an embarrassment of bitches?

THE BASES! You are the frakking best.

Yeah I was once in the pre-date phase of an OKC date. The guy mentioned how much he hated Mexicans. And I’m like “dude, I am half Mexican.” I swear he wasn’t even embarrassed and he didn’t try to backpedal. He was just like “well you know the ones, the bad kind.”

I’d recommend only the first Nightmare on Elm Street. If you like cheesy Army of Darkness style stuff, then you should also (or instead) watch the third one, Dream Warriors. It’s pretty hilarious.

You should watch The Exorcist. Even if you don’t believe in that stuff or it doesn’t scare you, the movie is just so well-constructed. It also features what I consider the best old age makeup ever. In a close-up of Max Von Sydow, he is wearing more makeup than Linda Blair wore at any point in movie. People don’t…

When I was a kid, my sister and I were crazy for Schwarzenegger movies. My parents watched all of them with us (which I think is great because we probably had questions sometimes). However, I still haven’t seen the first Terminator. My mom cleverly lied and said it was “really boring.” She didn’t want us to see it…

Oh man that sounds crazy hot. Every time I make the sex with a guy, immediately after I could write a really thorough letter of recommendation so other people know how good or not good he was in bed.

That right there is why people should respect you regardless of their personal beliefs regarding the matter. I don’t think you can technically be conning people if you aren’t getting anything from it.