I expected more from a librarian.

6. Make headlines by calling something an orgy (even though it was not)

[Sic] fuck

It's just what we do in the south. If embezzling funds from your non-profit to pay for orgies is a crime all of a sudden, you'll have to lock up Charles Barkley's entire family.

If featuring incredible DP videos doesn't boost Major League Baseball's profile among tech-savvy youth, I don't know what will.

You have to understand, financial shenanigans are part of the culture he grew up in. They are how he was raised. His father committed money-related crimes and went to jail for 10 years for it, and LOOK HOW ADRIAN PETERSON TURNED OUT! Pretty fine, I'd say.

Wait a second...I thought this was going to be a great post from a long-suffering fan until I got to the "lived in Baltimore, loved the O's, lived in NYC, loved the Yanks," part. If you did that, then I am not happy for you at all. You have not suffered, you've just rooted for other teams during the period where…

Joe? Mr. Namath? Sir, that's a fish tank. The game's on this screen over here.

The fact that chest beefers was left out is a direct slap in the face to @dadboner

"Oh, so no love for Crosby, Stills and Nash?"
-Jasmine Tridevil

If you smoke marijuana, Tony Stewart will kill you.

And so ends the Era Of Grit in Arizona.

If he leaves ESPN, his upper bound is Keith Olbermann, his lower is Craig Kilborn, with Kellerman as the delta.

You've got a sports logo tattoo? You're the worst kind of people.

"I could be upset about it," Meek said, "but I'm planning on inheriting the earth later, so who gives a fuck?"

Hopefully he'll Seymour chances in the future.

Rice and Peterson won't be running during those games either.

...And then I said to the barista, "God, did you hear about journalism?"

One could argue that Pete King and MMQB, the de facto media arm of the NFL, failed as badly as Goodell on this issue. Maybe Pete should resign.