Enjoy hell.

Robert Kraft: “Tonight, we are all sex offenders!!!!”

I’m genuinely torn as to whether the Patriots are Basically Good for giving otherwise decent guys a second chance, or Mostly Bad for also giving supremely talented rapists and murderers a second chance.

And I would do ANY THING FOR LOVE...oh I would do anything for love...but I won’t douthat....no I won’t douthat 

the Golden Boot for top scorer  

I believe it’s a Jackson Brown.

Come on Drew. I deservedly feel like a dick giving this clarification, but I feel it’s still warranted. Yes, Molinari did go into the water on 12, but that one rolled in. The one he plopped into the water “like the flagstick was located there” was on 15.

Coming along well; I don’t know that he’s ever been as close to the rim as he was right there.

One of my friends was a Conducktor. He recently left the company to take another job, but drove in four parades, including Belichick after the SB against Seattle, and Mike Napoli in 2013. It’s a pretty good gig, and the tours are interesting. 

When the police are called because of violence, it’s never “nothing”.

What is it good for?

“Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girls’ sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such...” 

On behalf of women whose best friends’ significant others are terrible, I would very much like to tell this bro that no one wants him around and we’re just being nice when we invite him to stuff. He should feel free, nay, encouraged, to stay home

I’m also hoping that this question came from my best friend’s fiance and I can stop feeling like I have to invite that human wet blanket to things.

Your answer to the guy with the vaguely annoying friend-of-fiencee was the best answer, Albert. It was the very, very best answer. It was a real-life answer, the answer of a wise real-life man. It should be read by all members of all marriages, because there’s something in it for everyone.

Thank you for that answer.

That between-the-legs-dribble-alley-oop at 0:45 was sick!

“Not in the slightest. Are they long? Well, they’re long enough to convey a strange and beautiful story of notes, improvised and learned through decades of shows. I once saw Jerry wail on Truckin’ for five hours. Passed out on some of Phil Jackson’s gummy bears three hours in, and woke up for the finale. Even the…

“Drew Has Got a Boner” syncs better to Dude Looks Like a Lady than it does to Janie’s Got a Gun.

“Should have been you.”

-Abel, after attending school

“Bill and I talked like we never had before,” added McDaniels. “I asked him, ‘Do you really want me to stay? After everything we’ve been through? Can we continue to succeed in the face of adversity?”

“And I’ll never forget what he said to me. He looked me square in the eye, and without any facial expression whatsoever,…