...But is the NFL ready for Ellen Page?

That's why should have put a little Bear Bryant hat on him while he breastfed, for insurance.

According to Wikipedia: "Despite its oppressive ruling class and extreme inequality, the inhabitants of Beyoncestan enjoy a high quality of life due to to the country's rich stock of natural resources, which include bootyliciousness and Nets tickets."

Flukes. Also, cruddy seasons help your draft position, of which they had about four after the Hasselbeck Super Bowl.

The common denominator in my gut, even though he's great and I like to watch him play, is sucks to Peyton Manning. He beat my Bears, and it still stings. HA HA. Go sling pizzas in Omaha.

If only the Girl Scout found a way to corner the paste and booger markets, and them sold these items, they could literally starve these a-holes.

I still think I'd want to see the data before I took that analysis from your friend as gospel.

It's grimly satisfying whenever I come across a story supporting my belief that all local jurisdiction should be delegated by the federal government out of good will and practicality, but allowed to be rescinded at the drop if a hat. In my utopia, the Feds would seize this school and administer it.

We can reasonably assume that she will hire a ghostwriter to pen her upcoming autobiography, Pregnant with Meaning.

"I'm only saying this because I'm your friend, but I'm the best corner in the game. When you try me with a sorry receiver like Crabtree, that's the result you're gonna get."

Well, I think there has been quite enough not-horse pee on this woman's flowers for far too long.

Did you just say that Jezebel is offering $10,000 for pictures of her uniced birthday cake?

That's the systemic disadvantage of geographically based FPTP districts: one party represents an increasing proportion of diverse, dense, communitarian areas with extremely politically homogeneous yet ethnically heterogeneous populations (except for black/Hispanic neighborhoods); whereas the other represents not only…

Of course it's a feminist masterpiece. At the end on the movie they go to the Grand Canyon and Lean In.

Oh look, one more aspect of society administered by our ass-backwards yokel fiefdoms that should clearly be run by the federal government.

But on the other hand, it's nice to have foreknowledge of which side is going to taste like cumin.

That Jason Segel flick made me want to blow my brains out around 15 minutes into it. Count me out.

I see she didn't apologize for wishing a connection to Kanye West on this poor kid. What's worse, some awkward feelings stemming from a TV segment recorded when you were an infant, or 30 years of awkward Thanksgivings spent in the dining room of Kanye's compound?

All of this will someday be done by robots and only their overseers will have to live there.

The makers of Happy Go Lukky Finger Puppets, Inc. would like to express their deepest apologies for this completely unexpected and unfortunate wardrobe malfunction.