I, too, saw a movie once.

Viper Scheele is the coolest fucking name in the world.

I don’t understand why Crowder has a problem with it. It’s nothing personal. Boston fans just likee players like Heyward. Those sort of Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, John Havlicek types. You know, with that Bob Cousy determination and Dave Cowens fight.

Recline away. That bump you feel in the middle of your back? That’s my knees. No, I don’t plan on moving them. Enjoy.

In all fairness, nobody’s won with a floor routine that’s 50% thumb-dance since Nadia Comaneci in 1976

Yeah, I know which 20-something MVP caliber player you were talking about, I’m just being smug too. “oh we’ll be juuust fine with out potential star” and I’m over here like “lol you’re going to lose Harper really soon and it will make you sad”. And then you’re all like “THAT’S NOT WHO I WAS TAKLING ABOUT” and then I…

lol Harper’s going to leave your team for the yankees soon and you’ll be sad

“This is a much better clubhouse than the White Sox. They know what’s important. Like, they let that fat kid hang around and wear a uniform and everything. The other Sox would never do that.”

That’s what you fucking get, Washington. That’s what you fucking get for thinking you’ll just get Sale without trading Trea Turner. Welcome to the White Sox, Moncada.....sorry my favorite team’s organization is going to destroy your promising career.

At first I thought watching a game backward didn’t make a lot of sense. Then I realized it’s just another perspective. And from that perspective every game ends in a tie. And then I thought, why not draft another power forward?

It’s fucked that you felt the need to write this.

Follow up: why do you mispronounce coupon?

In my virtual kingdoms I’ve put in countless hours to fully gear out my characters. My overwatch gorilla has the finest jackets and hats. My fallout character lives in a beautiful, sprawling city that I custom designed. He even has a stable 401k. I am married to a hulking, horned demon in another game. In the real…

+1 relative OPS scale. Bless you, now i have another metric with which to shit on my beloved Blue Jays batting order. Incidentally, Josh Thole probably has a negative OPS somehow, god that guy sucks at baseball.

The Chargers finally got Bosa...

WHAT THE FUCK WEBSITE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE ON, WE PUBLISHED BRETT FAVRE’S DICK SIX YEARS AGO FOR CHRIST’S SAKE

The day Deadspin doesn’t run tabloid shit is the day we all quit and get jobs as brand consultants or baristas or whatever.

When I was in high school I read a story about a train derailment that dumped tons of corn in a wooded area. Instead of cleaning it up, they figured it’s just corn, what’s the harm. Then bears found the corn and dozens of them started feeding there. Then people found the bears and would show up to pose with them and…

This was a very legit team in the early 2000s

I always thought my team names were more clever in the moment than they are in hindsight, although I still like Ironhead’s Thingie.