Have you ever seen Snowden and Scissorhands in the same place tho.

Was there food, that you could eat? Good wedding.

You really did just think up a t-shirt Aaron Rodgers should wear.

This guy is Houdini with a howitzer.

How much money do each of you make in a year, before taxes?

Lambchop is the only thing I hate more than clowns.

dammit

2. when these showed up in Deadspin’s chatroom, someone at the office shouted, “YOOOOOO, THUMB DEAD?

Everybody’s a film critic these days (except for Jason Pierre-Paul).

I’m sorry, how can we know for sure that Beijing has already “won” the 2022 Games? Their aerial skiers haven’t even been born yet!

Beckman’s

Fettysburg Address

“lol Kobe calls 17/38 a prtty good nite haha” - every god damn comment

Pixels is more like a classical drama than a mere “movie.”

I can’t believe the ham sandwich stayed in the helmet.

Blake Bortles.

My sister moved to Canada with her husband and kids, and now I never hear from her because the Canadian telecom system is so screwed up it costs like 75 bucks in whatever pea-meal-bacon-based currency they use just to say “hi” across the border. I suspect the power their switchboards with beavers running on a…

Good luck hitting off Bartolo Colon; he leaves nothing on the plate.

I used to play pretty seriously. The rules are simple. The main goal is to achieve “The Queen’s Errand,” or have the most netted balls by the end of the crow’s watch. If the pepper is placed in your path, you have to wheel the cranberry using only the poetic side of your bike. The lines on the court indicate the…