Most dudes go home and beat off after pretty much any encounter with a female. I've been flying half-mast all day since the drive-thru lady asked if I wanted a receipt.

Jerry's ranked:

I hope he has a full recovery. But you have to think that if you survive an asteroid collision that massive, eventually it's going to catch up to your health.

That's cool if last year counts as one of those 2 years.

I once stayed on my ex-gf's family's ranch, and all it had was an outhouse.

You mess with the ram you get fucked up

He's not dead; he's just ground beef.

The cow is perfectly fine. He was checked out on the sidelines and was back in the next series.

I think they put a white guy on there to remind everyone it's not a leap year.

No other species has fully-formed sentience, either, which isn't a terribly good excuse to stop using our brains to get on their level. I fart on this article.

Dogs make great hockey players despite having no concept of time. Just like Eric Lindros.

That one dude had 21 points scored on him by a literal baby.

If the Fanta people were pleased with their ad campaign, I imagine the same is true for the folks over at Kars 4 Kids.

My sophomore year, I had a crush on a senior guy.

Treadmill: COME ON DOWN!!

Saw your tweet. "Just took a dude out." So gay.

They're all so wonderful. I don't know I could pick a favorite, let alone six.

What Deadspin's Commenters' Parents Thought Of Deadspin This Year:

Well Burneko sure as fuck didn't learn how to write from his parents. Way to get right to the point, mom.

This just doesn't sound like something the Patriots would do.