My friend is a primate research scientist at a prestigious university. He cares for more than 400 of these creatures (is "monkey" P.C.?) of various species. He's conveyed HORROR stories of what these fuckers are capable of. E.g., a chimp once got hold of a scientist's arm, through a chain link fence, and ripped the…

Yeah, their bite is so filled with bacteria and venom that they literally haven't identified all the ways it will kill you yet. They're discovering new species bacteria in a Komodo Dragon's mouth.

I went to San Diego zoo recently & was being eye fucked by the dominant male. There were 80 people checking out the exhibit & this dude is just chillin in the back. gansta leanin against his fake cave opening. That fucker tracked me as I walked from one end of the paddock to the other. Did he move a muscle? Turn…

1A. Cat, domesticated

I've fought and defeated over thirty animals on this list. #CrimingWhileWhite

i'd throw hands with a kangaroo for like ten bucks

They'll ruin your fucking life. Give you that WWI death.

This behavior is appalling. Mr. Gronkowski must be the most violent tight end that the New England Patriots have ever had.

"It is the dumbest thing. God, I love it so much."

He just likes big bones, that's all.

Eddie Lacy thinks this is just a bad angle.

that fat dog is also a stupid dog. it could conserve precious calories by relaxing its forelimps and sliding its big fat body across the floor like a fat wheelbarrow made of fat.

A friend I trust sent this fat dog to me.

hi its me Bill Simons. Yes I will write the sports stories. Thank you,

I heard Joe Walsh's solo effort "Life's Been Good" on the radio last week. Haven't had an erection since. I think my body even sterilized all my sperm, just to make sure no more humans are brought into a world where that song exists.

"The King of Comedy" is the Milk and Honey Original Café Mix of 80s movies.

This picture *bites knuckle* is makin' *stiffled laughter, long wheeze* my *propeller hat spins uncontrollably* loins tender. *flies into space*

You have to stop posting these things. Forever.

Overtime

Also, it's good with the press.