“Complimentary hat was quite prickly and uncomfortable.”

i was at the mall with my gf, she was in some random other store like express or something and I was gonna meet her by the exit. She said 'ok I'm coming'

I was actually thinking of Ursula in the Little Mermaid (she's my fave), but this works too!

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

The lady in the Olive Garden lake of marinara sauce has to choose you, then you have to pull a pasta fork from a block of extra hard cheese.

I've always wanted to be the King of Olive Garden. Is there a succession plan? Do I need to murder the previous King? Or just wait for him to die of the inevitable heart attack?

THIS GUACAMOLE IS THE INCORRECT COLOR.

A.) It was a kick, shut up.

No, it's not surprising. James Harden kicked him in the balls, that is worse than anything anyone else did in that game.

Because ... that's representative of all or most Midwestern food? There is absolutely nothing that could be called gross in the West, Southwest, New England, Mid-Atlantic, South, etc.? Sue me but I don't think how Cracker Barrel cooks a steak necessarily says anything substantive about Midwestern food.

Yes that is Fubu

I love Jack White, but I'm concerned that he's turning into Edward Scissorhands.

I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady, but doesn't "cafe" literally translate from French to English as "coffee"? As such, isn't a "coffee latte" really exactly the same damn thing as a "cafe latte"? Suck up the fact that she's an idiot and can't comprehend it is supposed to be cafe and…

I'm glad they are going to start using a safety seat for Ivy. Frankly, I'm really surprised they didn't do this already, as she probably uses a car seat in their car, right? How do you have a child with special physical needs and not look really closely into solutions for safety in special situations (like flying,…

Oh my God, you sound like ten of my most annoying customers ever, all rolled into one.

I'm pretty sure "breading" a cow is just a chicken-fried steak tbh.

Maybe. But I really think "Sea Muppet" would be a better name for that guy.

I prefer Cholula, honestly.

The state governments involved are being hysterical, but she is also clearly a pain in the ass.