Regarding eggs, when I was little I referred to over-easy eggs as "straight up". My only guess is someone in the family asked for them that way at home and I copied them.

It's shiny. It shouldn't be shiny!! It seriously looks like that pizza had a once-over with some Minwax and an orbital buffer.

I am strangely relieved I am not the only one who has had this thought. Someone needs to walk up to him after a show and ask if he'll hold them. If he says "I can't" then we'll know for sure!

First thing I thought of after reading about the Denver Dudebro.

These were mine.

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me. - Chuck Johnson

Instead, let's all watch Seth MacFarlane sing the rapiest Christmas song ever!

Does she feel that bad about herself that she settled (repeatedly) to let sex offenders fuck her and touch her children? Mama June needs to see a shrink and Jillian Michaels on alternating days. Woman needs to start loving herself and stop dating dudes that "love" her kids and others.

I miss the Wowee wax whistles. Chewable, yes. Edible, no.

I swear, most Cleveland chefs are awesome and not batshit crazy. I feel like his attacks are super personal though - almost like he knows the guy (not that it would make this any less ugly). I'm embarrassed for my city because of this guy. Sad.

"We have no knowledge of this. We are not aware of anyone in our office who possessed or saw the video before it was made public on Monday. We will look into it."

Fuckin' interns.

Nah, man... It's cool because I'm like, 1/16th Cherokee on my stepdad's side!