He takes selfies The Right Way.

Why We Suck: A Feel Goo Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid by Denis Leary is pretty damn hilarious.

“I’m going to run now, nice kangaroo. Here’s my wallet.”

I played goal in hockey and I was thinking stick fakes on grass when you’re only moving at 15 mph shouldn’t work. But here we are.

I couldn’t even dodge one of those guys, they’re all jacked. Running circles around a whole team of them? How is that not better than a DE scoring on complete fluke?

You’re such a dick about this, which I respect. I’m trying to formulate an argument but I can’t, due to your extreme dickishness. I cede the battlefield to you, Good Sir.

Fat guy touchdown usually involves a guy on the D-line snagging a pass that the offense wasn’t prepared for. It’s nowhere near the same thing as a guy who looks like he could be my fat uncle running end to end to score.

Yeah, fucking around at the gym all day is not a type-A personality. It’s actually someone who avoids having meaningful shit to do.

I run on 3 pretty much all the time. How do you even manage 12? If I’ve been asleep for twelve hours, it means I did something that will eventually be a Lifetime movie.

Fat guy goalie lacrosse goal trumps fat guy touchdown.

I shouldn’t joke at her expense. I’m one of the assholes who would be hanging on her every word.

Next, we’ll be hearing a strong take from Fiona Apple on saving more than you spend.

“I have absolutely no defining political convictions, so Hillary, Jeb Bush, whatever. Swear to god I’m a democrat though.”

Wait, I’m making 6 grand a month bartending and working on a food truck. 2 grand a month to sell your dignity writing that shit doesn’t seem like a deal. You might want to tone it down with the humblebragging about authoring dino porn.

It’s tricky because Olbermann has such a well known history of getting himself in trouble with his mouth that ESPN could easily blow him off. More than likely, it would backfire and he’d be the one suspended, if not fired.

Had to look it up to see if Minute Maid still has that hill in center field, and the Astro’s website says they do. Okay, that’s fine. But the website also says they have “a flag pole in the field of play create unique actions for any ball that gets past an outfielder.” What the fuck? A fucking flagpole? That seems…

Not welcome here? That’s funny, I had no problem posting.

It kind of renders the term meaningless. Hell, I’m on a no-hitter attempt and I haven’t given up a hit in 15 years. And my pitch count is spectacular!

It’s a foot-first slide. It’s not what runners ought to do, ever. Doing that is actually really fucking stupid and is ingrained since t-ball as exactly what not to fucking do while running bases.

No, no, fuck you and The Tribe. It never ceases to amaze me how little self-awareness and how much self-importance Jews have when the bottom line is, you make up a tiny fraction of the global population, and are out numbered by “fringe” religions like Hundus and Buddhists by several orders of magnitude. On top of…