Call me sappy, but weddings just do something to me. It’s so moving to see these two sincere young people declaring their undying love for their heaps of money and attention from strangers.

I attended a wedding where the bride and groom’s entrance song was “99 problems.”

I'm confused. Is that them? Why does he have a gun? Is he just really happy to see her?

So does this video mean he had to shoot someone in order to be allowed to propose to her? I feel like in five years there will be a news story of how he shot his wife because she spoke to another man.

I rarely follow a recipe when I make soup. It’s all “a little bit of this and a lotta bit of that” for me.

FFS. I can suggest they wear very tight nooses around their necks and keep tightening them until they stop blaming the victim. Or until dead. Whichever comes first.

Please have her take care of the Trump problem we are having.

Kate McKinnon Justin Biebers better than Justin Bieber ever could.

I will seize upon any opportunity to post this gif.

I also hope one day Nia’s time will come. She seems so level headed and just like a really good kid.

“According to his children, the dad’s last words were- and I’m paraphrasing here, your Honor- “I want to see a manager, those grills marks look crunchy and I’m allergic to crunchy.”

“After the chef removed the grill marks from the chicken, he sharpened the blackened parts into points and stabbed them in the dad’s eyes, Your Honor.”

Dear dining public:

This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it, the service is terrible every time we come here.” And then she looked me straight in the eyes.

If someone doesn’t respond to you after the first Grand Gesture, it’s time to leave them the fuck alone.

Is BARTENDr the one where you swipe left and right until you find someone that will get drunk with you?

Speaking of demographic, it just occured to me why so many nerds drink crown royal.

Not going to get too worked up over this as, while I’m in one of the states you mentioned, I don’t know anyone in my friend or peer group who uses that app. Therefore I’m just going to add this to the list of why the youths are terrible and leave it at that. More good liquor for us olds!

It’s like hearing that shandy is the most popular “beer” somewhere.