... will be married in 20-25 years

I'm glad I don't have kids because in response to this I'd probably do a photoshoot of a baby graduating, riding around on a hoverboard, maybe joining Starfleet, if I'm going to attempt to predict the future I'd aim high.

I, too, am terrified that this tyrant has any traction. Thinking about it last night, he has yet to face the scrutiny that Presidential candidates go through. And I was terrified of Romney as well, but then "47%" and "binders full of women" and dancing horses all came to light. If he ends up the candidate, he's going…

There are no policy recommendations in Walker's budget how or what would replace these reporting mechanisms. The Governor simply instructs that they should be deleted.

WTF. So if we just don't keep track of them, rapes will no longer exist, then? Well, problem solved. That fucker.

What purpose could this possibly serve?

BACK IN MY DAY WE WORE 3 SUIT JACKETS WHILE WATCHING TV AND WENT SWIMMING IN WEDDING DRESSES.

Official Timepiece of Basic Bitches™

Looks like the karma police...

*puts on shades*

... arrested this man.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH

I am just going to go perform searches of his name on a bunch of different platforms over lunch.

They should charge him whatever his extortion rate was per each request. Then tell him that was just the fee to consider his request and that upon consideration, he can go fuck himself. THAT'S some justice.

back in the very early 90s I worked at Hardee's (that's Carl's Jr for you west coast folks) after school. This was when they introduced the peach milkshake, which I don't even know if they have anymore because I haven't set foot in one since high school. We sold so many of these damn things. Except there was this one…

I'm one of those "and a diet coke" people, but only because I hate the taste of regular coke. If I need the caffeine, I'm going to order a diet coke no matter what I'm eating. #notalldietcoke

I only eat free-range linguinies. You can't imagine how the caged ones suffer.

I was once in a deli sandwich line behind a very nice Midwestern couple who got up to the front and the woman gasped "Buffalo chicken? What IS that?" This was like 2007 so it wasn't exactly a new concept. The woman behind the counter did her best to explain the seasoning in it, but the woman just kept muttering…

Serious question. You can't mix East Coast and West Coast linguinies — it'll end in knife fights and drive-by shootings.

ARE YOUR LINGUNIES IN SEASON