After that impact with the wall, he’ll be on the DL for the next 18 seasons, after which he will be the opening day centerfielder for the Phillies.

It’s easy to be cynical about celebrities in general, especially since Bill Cosby turned out to be a fucking monster. But you have to be pretty dead inside not to be inclined to believe, based on the words of Colbert especially as well as those of others, and the mere fact that, like, EVERYBODY contributed and most…

If the government tried to ban porn, we would all shrug, say “good luck with that”, and carry on as before.

At least he is wearing shoes. Because there is nothing grosser than being barefoot in a public restroom.

“One down, nobody on, bottom of the fifth here at Busch Stadium, as Deadspin Commenter steps up to the plate.”

There is a huge difference between killing a lion so you can have it’s head on your mantle and killing a deer to eat the meat.

What part of this post tried to elicit snark, you dildo? I wrote it as straight as possible.

The 43-year-old Baker, who had a stint with Seattle Supersonics, credited former Sonics owner and Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz for the job and chance to put his life together.

can we atleast get a link to the video she posted in the comments or something? Why would you mention it and not post it?

Still not as bad as the blowouts the Marshall Islands have taken.

Here is a picture of him personally removing all videos from YouTube:

DAMN YOU SEPP BLATTER

NOTE THE IRONY OF A CAT-PARASITE-INFESTED TOXOPLASMA ZOMBIE REFERRING TO A BOLD TRUTH-TELLER AS A “SHITHEAD”

You forgot the most important part - If, for some godforsaken reason, you find yourself flying Spirit Airlines, be sure to have a suicide prevention hotline number to hand for the inevitable delays, cancelled flights, and “don’t give a fuck can’t fix it”-itude of the gate agents.

Drew needs to apply. I feel like he might get it.

Well, God damn, this is a beautiful piece of writing. I hope your parents are able to read this, as this serves as an overwhelming affirmation of their job well done.

I’m a white atheist, but I was sobbing by the end of that, hoping against hope that Rev. Pinckney and his flock found their heavenly reward.

The people at Gawker did a hell of a thing when they hired Greg Howard to write for them, and I am sure I’m not the only one who is thankful they did.

Hi! Jorts/Shants Enthusiast Kevin Smith here.

Nice to see Milton Bradley is taking it easy in retirement.