I am a Hobbit book fan...and despite knowing that these movies got made into not one, but three movies...my Extended copies of An Unexpected Journey and Desolation of Smaug wait for the Battle of the Five Armies counterpart to join them. And with my Middle-Earth hexology, I will shun myself from the world and go deep…

But I'd be surprised if these fan attempts don't all end up at roughly the same place in the end: a much shorter story that does a better job at bringing Tolkien's original tale to the big screen, because they don't have to worry about contracts or studio money or whatever else drove Jackson to stretch the story as…

• The investigation of Dol Guldor has been completely excised
  
  Like, all of the Sauron/Necromancer stuff? Because I know most of it wasn't in the book, but it was one of the better additions to the movie. Most of the rest, though, yeah, cut the shit out of it. Especially the weasley dude with eyebrows who for some reason…

Over 3000 native kids in Canada never came home from residential schools. Most of them had loving parents who never found out what happened to their kids.

God, this happened so much in so many different places. In Ireland, in England, in America. There's never any way to make anyone responsible pay for what they did to these children. There's just bones to uncover and lies to untangle. There's never any justice.

Going back any further is tricky, however, since the fidelity of the images isn't the best...

We were showed a video like that in 10th grade biology. It was longer and included an ejaculation. It was fascinating., and that was before I ever had the chance to participate.

I know, right? :)

the sex shot was interesting, sure, but some of the other shots were amazing.

Does he not realize the chance he took? Or that he might have been recording his last moments on earth? Crying woman in last trimester of Pregnancy being mocked on camera in a room likely filled with sharp implements & caustic cleaning fluids?

Hey I work at Yellowstone and now have no desire to look at geysers for awhile.

I have never been so emotionally invested in food as I have been while pregnant. I ate pancakes yesterday, that shit was spiritual

I love this so much because when you are laugh/crying you KNOW it's totally bonkers but you have no control...it's just coming out like emotional vomit.

He's claiming that he ripped a woman's cervix from her body and that her response to that was to debate him?? This represents a deep failure of imagination on his part.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're a Penn State fan.

the guy who worked at an electronics store. His name was Eric Johnson but went by Lance at work. He said there was another Eric there and they couldn't have two, so he chose Lance. Lance Johnson. My friends and I referred to him as Penis Penis.

I'm sorry, did you mean to submit to a "Hero Stories" contest?

Just for you, Jerry: the crazy Brazilian who snuck back into my room while I was sleeping (2 hours after I sent him home), the teacher fetishist, the guy with the tail, the guy who refused to talk to me in high school, annnnnnnd my second cousin. Just for starters and because you asked nicely :)

I have slept with so many embarrassing people. I made a lot of poor decisions in my late teens/early 20s. I lost my virginity to a 16 year old drug dealer when I was 18. And then I slept with him again a couple weeks later because I thought it might make me feel like it was a thing and not just a truly horrible idea.…

I was picking up extra money babysitting and had a fling with a single mother. Embarrassing not because of her but I really shouldn't have done it.