My son’s had a water bottle since he was between 6mo-1yr, and...we’ve only ever lost one. and that was more my husband’s fault than his. I’m usually in charge of the cups and I never lose anything so it hasn’t exactly been a huge hardship to remember to grab a bottle on the way out of the house and make sure it’s…

My baby girl will be 1 month old tomorrow and I have a 2.5 year old son. I’m a SAHM. As much as I’d love to leave all the childcare to my husband tomorrow, his paternity leave ended after 2 weeks so he’s gotta be at work.

But rest assured I still don’t have my shit together enough as a mom-of-two yet to actually go…

I will never, ever change my kids’ diapers at my seat on a plane, but my not-yet-potty-trained toddler son is FUCKING HUGE and after he had aged out of being a tiny infant there is literally no way he could fit on the tiny little bathroom changing stations in airplanes.

Luckily every time we’ve traveled with him as a…

39 weeks with #2 here. You’ll be fine. It’s a slow build up so your body has time to get used to the changes, and not everyone’s stomach pops out the same way. I carry in my hips and my kids always hang out very low the whole time. Even at full term I don’t look anything like that last photo.

Also, everyone’s…

I’m due Feb 13 (second pregnancy) but apparently I carry super low and never measure as large as I should, to the point where doctors freak out in the third trimester and I have to get extra growth scans just in case my kids aren’t growing right. I’m also pear shaped so it takes forever for my bump to even begin to…

They also always seem EVEN WORSE THAN NORMAL COMMERCIALS re: pandering to the lowest common denominator sexist bullshit crowd.

It’s just beer and snacks and tits and hamburgers and cleaning products and naggy women and bumbling men and dudes sighing while holding purses so their dumb wasteful wives can shop and…

That tagline tho.

Man cleans his own fucking house: “GOTTA LOVE HIM!”

Fuck off.

My 2.5 year old definitely noticed the pregnancy boobs. He now points to them and says “mum has big boobs.” But the hilarious part is when he points to my husband and says “daddy has booboos.”

So apparently my husband’s just qualify as booboos. Merely mosquito bites, really. Sad!

Also super pregnant, have a 2.5 year old son. He gets that there’s a baby in my tummy and he knows a few words for body parts but we’re nowhere near “the discussion” yet. I imagine he’ll just kinda shrug and move on and we’ll have to revisit it a LOT when he’s ready, though. He’s that kinda learner.

Instead he just…

I’m due with #2 in 3 weeks and I’m just glad I got my free breast pump through ACA before that benefit gets shut down forever. It was nice while it lasted.

I wasn’t able to breastfeed my first in 2014, but I sure as shit used my insurance pump to give him my milk for as long as possible! Thanks Obama, sincerely.

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup. I have nothing against working parents doing what they gotta (or wanna!) do, I do not think less of them as parents for working while their children are in childcare during the week. They are still raising their kids, they’re still there every night and weekend and snow day and holiday.

But my…

Women ARE practically forced to breastfeed in “baby friendly” designated hospitals these days, sadly. And it’s becoming a more and more common thing for hospitals to go “baby friendly” as a modern birthing trend.

The BREAST IS BEST lactation nazis have done their best to make it incredibly difficult to get away without…

With my son, nothing showed up at his first ultrasound, so my doctor kinda shrugged and said he had a 50/50 chance, good luck, hope for the best and prepare for the worst, I’ll see you for another ultrasound and we can determine if it’s a blighted ovum/miscarriage at that time and then decide what we’d do from there. …

For some, maybe.

Absolutely not possible without breaking his dick off in the attempt though, in my case at least. It would hurt him almost as much as me and I can’t imagine it going further than an accidental knock on the ol’ door without figuring it out.

The way is just not welcoming unless it is prepared. The force…

Yeah there’s been the accidental knock on the ol’ door before an aim re-adjustment but it’s not like you can just shove it in there without a LOT of force if you haven’t already been wining and dining it for quite a bit beforehand. At least for me.

Maybe I just have an unwelcoming sphincter but to actually shove it…

I’m not very anxious during flights in general. I don’t ENJOY flying, and takeoff and landing can be a little hairy if they’re particularly bumpy, but for the most part, I’m fine. I’ll just hold onto my seat rest until we’re past it.

I’m NOT FINE, when people start loudly freaking out and praying and hollering at…

We used to live in a small city that only had Delta, United & American flights, and they always required tiny little puddle jumper connecting flights for us to get home that were ALWAYS severely delayed or cancelled.

Yeah we quickly learned it was worth the 2.5 hour drive to the next “big city” hub so we could fly…

One time while 8 months pregnant I suddenly had to pee NOW and the seatbelt sign JUST flashed on as I was getting up to go to the bathroom.

The flight attendant told me the usual spiel about needing to sit down while the sign was on and I was like “Listen I know, I know the rules, and literally every other time in my…

Oh my god, is your mom my mom? Minus the drinking.

My mom claims family is #1 all the way but manages to whine about every single family member’s life choices at the drop of a hat behind their backs. It’s so hypocritical.

She HATES that my husband and I moved 1500 miles away and started a family where he could have a…

I’m almost done baking kid #2 right now.

While I still mostly followed the rules as much as possible, I didn’t abstain 100% the way I did with my son.

I drank more caffeine (because he’s 2.5 and I need that shit to be awake enough to mom him while also creating his future sister), I had a few sips of beer or…