That clock was my lifeline. I was induced early due to complications and was hell bent on delivering the same day I went in because by golly I wasn’t about to labor for more than a day. Got induced around 10-11ish in the morning, and as I saw the clock get to 8pm and everyone was telling me to push I was like “WOO…

I’ve used this shit religiously since I was a teen and have used it with the cheaper clarisonic-like facial scrubby disk alternatives and all it does is make my skin feel softer and remove all the dry dead winter bullshit.

I know it’s not a fancy face scrub or anything, but it does the job and is cheap as hell, and at…

Both sets of grandparents live 1500 miles away. :(

But luckily we have a toddler who sleeps alllllllllllllll night and has ever since he was 3 months old, so once his door’s closed and he’s settled down, it can be go time anytime. Not that it always is, but it COULD be...

...Of course that means his little sister is on…

One time my husband, 1 year old son and I were driving through Indiana to meet up with two other couples we know with small children since we’re scattered all over the midwest and IN is the midway point for all of us. We were going to hit up a restaurant and hang out for a bit, maybe go to a toddler-friendly…

Yup, everybody does this every year. Celebrities will keep dying. Stupid backwards political shit will keep happening. You can either bury yourself in your misery or try to focus on whatever good happened.

I’ve been having a lovely second pregnancy in 2016, bought a fantastic new house in 2016, and had some good…

I’m the opposite - everyone warned me that pregnancy was a living hell, and both of mine (32 weeks with #2 right now) have been easy peasy. I was prepared for 9 months of agony each time and very pleasantly surprised that my body just doesn’t seem to mind pregnancy at all.

BUT, before you hate me too much: I got bit in…

With our first, my husband came to just about every appointment, because he was an excited first time dad. No abuse involved, just a flexible work schedule and since we were first time parents it took awhile to figure out most appointments are just boring run of the mill “pee in the cup, get weighed, ask questions,…

My 2 year old tries to pick my nose.

At first I was like “we don’t pick other people’s noses”...except sometimes we DO pick his nose because it’s easier than trying to wrestle it out with a boogie wipe, so instead I told him “mum & dad don’t need help picking our noses” and he seemed fine with that explanation.

A…

My nearly 2 and a half year old son LOVES smooching me on the lips, but he’ll also lean in for a forehead smooch, or cheek smooch, or whatever. Who am I to say no? He’s always been a big sloppy happy kisser. I’d never force him to kiss anyone he didn’t want to, and I don’t encourage him to kiss strangers, but if he…

Early ultrasounds are pretty accurate at estimating gestational age based on the size of the fetus. Not all doctors offer “dating ultrasounds” but many do. That + your best guess as to your last menstrual period = fairly close approximation of gestational age.

Things only get wonky in the case of very unpredictable…

Plus late term abortions are only performed in the very few remaining clinics that are set up for them due to all the bullshit restrictions and the ever aging, tiny pool of doctors that are trained to perform them. So chances are good that IF you need one, you have to spend tens of thousands of dollars on travel,…

Even if you exclusively breastfeed (meaning frequent feeding, every time at the breast, no water or solids or other feeding methods) the “breastfeeding as birth control” thing is only supposed to be effective until around 6 months, and only if your first postpartum period hasn’t returned (but you can be ovulating…

The “necrophilia” tech and Hector.

With my son, I had the anatomy scan at 20 weeks. With my current baby (31 weeks as of this writing) I didn’t have the scan until 21 weeks.

Both times, had anything terrible been found, I would have had literally no time to sort it out if I lived in a state with a 20 week abortion ban.

Fuck. That. I wanted and…

You CAN get first trimester genetic screening, but many insurance policies don’t cover certain types unless you have a higher risk pregnancy or there’s reason so suspect something is wrong to begin with.

I’d have been all about the newer first trimester blood test screening, but because I’m not high risk it would have…

I didn’t even get my anatomy scan with this baby (#2) until 21 weeks. So, good thing everything came back normal or else if I lived in a state with a 20 week restriction I’d be shit out of luck.

I’ve always been 100% pro-choice but having been pregnant twice has only made me more so. I can’t imagine getting bad news…

The older robots had metal skeletons.

The newer ones are 3d bioprinted.

Obviously I misread the “not” part so that changes the degree of things, but still. I’d err on cutting kids some slack when they’re in the bathroom unless you know they’re drinking mouthwash and sexting pedophiles in there. As long as they aren’t jizzing on your towels and destroying the place, let ‘em have the…

I grew up in NE, had good access to Maine maple syrup...and don’t get the big honking deal. Is it good? Sure, if you can get it and it’s cheap. But Aunt Jemima? Also good on pancakes. Jam? Also good. Butter? Good. And so on. It’s just fucking pancakes.

And yes, you can use maple syrup in other types of cooking…

Jesus Christ you just walk into the bathroom if they’ve been there “too long” ?

I’d have hated being a 12 year old girl trying to figure out her first tampon insertion in your house. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck no, I will never barge in my kids’ bathrooms unless I thought they were hanging themselves with a belt and they were…