- having a tattoo of an orchid on his inner thigh

- enjoying the musical stylings of John Tesh

Things Brian Cashman Also Conspicuously Did Not Deny:

Asked whether Mr. Stevens is happy with the decision, Mr. O'Brien demurred: "It's hard to tell, since there's really no way for him to drug and forcibly butt-fuck a piece of paper."

"Well hey now, we had to buy paper to print all those tickets, and it's not like the printer paper just grows on trees, OK?"

Paul Ryan: And I'd just like to congratulate Brandon Weeden over here on a great job at Oklahoma state.

Add Josh Beckett to the list of notable MLB figures who have taken legal action on behalf of animals. Why, only last year, a Missouri dentist was prevented by a restraining order from drilling in Tony LaRussa's private Grey Goose sanctuary.

Ha!

Good God. +1

Never mind. NoirJuggling just put the pieces together for me. Sorry, I'm an idiot.

Does it still count as sharting if your butthole is sewn shut and it's coming out of your ears?

I guess what I'm asking is this:

Forgive me, but I'm genuinely confused by this. If this guy is claiming that he wasn't abused by Jerry Sandusky in the showers, and neither Mike McQueary nor Sandusky has come out and said publicly, "The kid who was getting raped in the showers was little Stewart Diddlebutt," then isn't the obvious question whether so…

Man, I remember that one. Made me chuckle for hours.

Just seeing that now. Am dying. So good.

[dying]

He should never have access to a dog!

Ha!

Oh dear. +1

"Bandwagoners," eh? Well, you should hear the things Dallas sports fans have called Troy Aikman.