Coach Mac groaned and slowly rolled over onto his back. His eyes were

The video on your site is goddamn hilarious, by the way.

Hey man, I live in greater Metro DC! There are many excellent commenters who begrudgingly call this sinkhole their temporary home! Maybe we'll get together at a Ruby Tuesday and have salads.

With all due respect, you seem awfully quick to dismiss the possibility that he could win the bet. Which would push that second news item back to at least, uh, a couple of days later in 2015, maybe.

Oh, please. As if there even is a "New York City."

"It's like I always say: leave your ribs exposed like a damn fool, and you deserve whatever you get."

Yeah, the whole staggered-schedule thing is pretty common within athletic locker rooms, all the way up to the professional level - even in some of the most state-of-the-art facilities. For example, here's the showering schedule used by the Dallas Cowboys organization:

Ha!

Meanwhile, garnering slightly less media attention than the forced resignation of coaches Mitchell and Schmidt was the summary deep-frying of deputy assistant athletic trainer Tituba.

Nice.

Have you ever considered sword-fighting Spencer Ackerman to the death?

I submit that it should read, "A Photo Allegedly Showing Ryan Lochte's Penis."

You killed Neil Armstrong, didn't you?

[do not alter long-simmering assassination plans]

Awesome.

Oh, Christ. +1

Well hey, that's certainly one way to permanently mark yourself as the worst possible kind of derelict yinzer dipshit. A less popular and considerably more expensive approach is to be Jay Mariotti.

Oh man, that is so good.

+1

Believe it or not, this is only the second most memorable Elway sighting of the past 72 hours. Why, only the next night, he put in an appearance up the road at Coors Field, with Wilin Rosario wrist-deep in the back of his head.