Well, that sounds about right.

I hope a jellyfish slips into your asshole while you're bodysurfing, you pile of absolute dogshit.

I think a very important thing is to remember that a funny idea is not the same thing as a funny joke or a funny comment. Take some time to massage your idea into a joke: toy around with the language to work the punchline toward the end; trim away any excess that dilutes the impact of the joke; play around with…

[hates Rare Endangered Vuvuzela with the burning fury of ten thousand supernovas]

That was so, so great, man. Like Vida, I've been chuckling about it on and off all day. Just, the Windows 95 sound. So good.

A-fucking-men.

I'm sorry, I don't have any jokes to make here. Please except my \M/ \M/ and ten thousand exclamation points as a meager substitute.

"Four hundred thousand dollars for a blue carpet? That's outrageous! I get mine nice and blue just using what's left over in the bottle after I've finished doing the drapes."

Christ. +1

Jesus! +1

Oh boy. +1

Love it. +1

Man, my breakfast had US Olympic athletes all over it this morning. There was Misty May-Treanor on the front of my Wheaties box, and Ryan Lochte on the side of my milk carton.

This is goddamn hysterical. +1

That's terrific.

Believe it or not, Queen's catalog is incredibly popular in Eastern Europe. I spent some time in Romania a few years back, and I swear, at least three times a day everybody in the little village of Valea Plopului would take a break from their labors to put on a rousing performance of "Another One Bites The Dust." …

That makes for a pretty interesting contrast between the football team and its fans, nearly all of whom have a Wal-Mart on their name-tags.

"That is the worst goddamn helmet I have ever seen. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? How hard is it to make a decent-looking helmet, for Christ's sake?"

Perfect. +1

That's really goddamn funny.