I've never had a Nathan's dog. If I'm eating tubular mystery meat, I see no reason why it needn't be Oscar Meyer, or even the fuckin' store brand. It's all lips and assholes anyway.

Aw. It's kind of sweet that you call your pulsating, mucous-exuding, disturbingly-eyeball-covered, self-fertilizing ovipositor "Mrs. Vuvuzela."

Why, Hellman's, of course. The inorganic mayo-flavored death food of the discerning palate.

What's this "kosher dog" bullshit? Kosher nothin'! Give me an Oscar Meyer wiener that came from the shrapnel of a wood-chipped heathen swine, or give me death!

Absolutely. I love brown mustard, but that vinegary tartness of cheap yellow mustard is just so right for the tube meats.

Miracle Whip is for necrophiles!

That's the winner, right there. And, to be honest, sometimes I'll slap cheap yellow mustard on that bitch, too, just to get some vinegary pop into it.

That's awesome. +1

And man, rough fortnight for the Ukrainian hurdler, who couldn't even make the trip to London for the Games, due to some unusual medical problems. You can't even imagine how heartbreaking it's been for Iradia Tyedmutantwithlikesixextralimbsyeva.

Nice.

This is really great stuff, Isaac.

"...thanks, Dan. And again, folks watching from home here in Jacksonville, we apologize for the delay. Now, in breaking local news: staff at the Publix Super Market on Riverside Avenue were horrified this afternoon to discover one of their grocery carts had been stolen - right from under their noses! The cart was…

I think Julia Louis-Dreyfus might be the most commonly underrated of the Big Four, which is interesting because she might have had the hardest job of any of them. She had to be funny both in the straight-(wo)man role and as the comic foil (really, the only one of the Big Four who had to take on both roles with…

No, I was thinking of the David Sims who recapped the entire run of Seinfeld for the AV Club.

Are you David Sims?

I'm not surprised people love George so much, but I really think Jerry's the best. He had an easier job than George, who did so much of the comedic heavy lifting, but damn, was he funny. I recently realized, fairly out of nowhere, that my favorite single line-reading in the show's entire run is Jerry saying, "So…

It's kind of the curse of distance running as a televised sport: endurance, even extreme endurance, doesn't make for as entertaining a show as raw, maxed-out exertion does.

Oh fuck, Alton Benes! Great goddamn choice.

4:40/mile is an extremely fast speed for running a mile, but it's still a moderate running speed: they're not sprinting, not remotely. They're not moving at a pace (like, say, the guys running the 100m or 200m or even the 400m are) that I can look at and go, "Jesus fucking Christ, I am utterly incapable of doing…