Nah, don't give up - they're not all like that. I started dating two years ago after, ahem, almost 30 years of marriage (married insanely young) and had similar experiences, but they were just assholes. My current gentleman-friend loves whatever I am, whatever hair there is, whatever I taste and smell like, he's just…

Nah, that might not be, but the promiscuity plan is solid. No need to unload anything on anyone, just fucking enjoy the fucking.

Black v-neck t-shirts. Is that specific enough? I have every possible kind (like there's a lot of possibilities! ahhahaha) and yet whenever I see a black v-neck t-shirt I think, Oh, hey, I like that!, I should get it. Because I don't have enough fucking black v-neck t-shirts already.

I have one of those things. It's kinda cool really. Little curly patterns, looks like wire, but it's hair. Dead people's hair. In a brooch. That someone gave me when I got married. No fucking wonder that marriage didn't work out...

You're one sick corgi puppy.

Right, yes, the cleanse cruise, guaranteed weight loss, come home looking like a dysentery survivor/aka runway model. I can see it. There's money in this.

And puking your guts out.

Oh my god, WHO THE FUCK CARES?? Everybody masturbates! The fucking Queen of England masturbates!

I have two rescue dogs. They can't dance. Unless they're doing this while I'm at work?

Evidently, without my realizing it, I must have become...RICH!

I used to be like that. I "fell in love" with an, objectively speaking, very attractive man, I married him, he's the father of my beautiful child, we were together a very long time. It always made me feel good to be seen with him, and I'm still shallow enough to miss that, now that we're divorced. I am however…

Exactly. I was married for a long time to a guy who by any objective standard was very attractive, and the sex was...meh. My current squeeze is, well, not objectively good-looking by any standard (beer gut, etc - but nice cheek bones, I'll give him that!) but the sex is AMAZING. Lot to be said for imagination, and a…

Completely anecdotally, in my experience, yeah, the childless couples I know are happier couples - they're all still together! - but the parents are happier individuals. Does that make sense? I think it does. I know that my (ex)husband and I were happier together before we had our daughter, but we're happier people…

I am with you, sistah! Free yourselves from tv schedules! I freed myself some years ago now - I do not even own a tv or dvd player or whatever these devices are called these days, I watch whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want on my ancient but trusty macbook.

Well yeah, but when you live with them, and they don't clean up after themselves, and you like your home vaguely sanitary, you wind up living in a pit. Which wears thin, I'm here to tell you. Divorce is the best invention in the world.

Huskies are the best. But I have never had one well-behaved enough to want to walk it in heels, never mind on a catwalk. It's really hard to train out the sled-pulling instinct. But fuck, just look at them, so gorgeous. Just want to bury my face in their fur.

That song: no. However, I can't hear Led Zeppelin's When the Levee Breaks without feeling a little, er, damp. Don't ask.

Or that didn't fake one competently.

And as a middle-aged, divorced woman, who was once young and happily married, I say it could come to that. It's all roses and fucking sunshine at the beginning, but eventually, meh, it's a chore. He's older, he should be using viagra but he isn't, you know each other way too well to surprise each other, he's not into…

Ladies, can we all stop pretending that it's only men who'll sleep with whoever as long as they're attractive? While I was OkCupid dating, I slept with a fucking religious climate-change denier just cuz he was kinda cute. (I kicked him out after, obviously - not looking for a relationship there.)