My mom has mailed me socks and underwear. "I found these nice ones on sale today. Becky, you need good socks to keep your feet warm." How can you argue with that.

Some say Allen's stage show has become too formulaic.

I posted an Instagram video the other day of my dog and you can hear me in the background doing her voice (Yes, I have a special voice I use when she's talking, yes I'm crazy). My boyfriend saw it was like "We're sharing the dog voice now? Are you sure about this?"

That's like saying I'm straight but if I had the opportunity to have sex with a man I would

Victim blaming is cool so long as they're a victim of something really icky.

I woman your woman. Let's woman and woman. Woman you around woman o'clock.

Goddammit I cannot edit my comment but that's a pretty great typo. "The first woman ever woman..."

His whole argument basically boils down to "there's no gay sex because I didn't want to put any in".

I really wish you could unpost this. I get that people are shitty and say shitty things and it's click-worthy, if not news-worthy, to report on it. However, I just wish that all the shitty responses that people posted self-righteously about suicide being the "cowards" way out didn't garner ANY attention...least of all…

"Genie, you're free."

I don't think it's that a lot of people are saying they're special or cooler somehow. It's just hard for a lot of people to get very upset over the death of someone they didn't know, even if they benefited from something that person did. But every once in a while they can get attached to someone they've never even met…

OF COURSE YOU CAN'T CHANGE A FUCKING DIAPER IN THE MIDDLE OF A RESTAURANT.

Bring back Firefly, you uninformed piece of shit!!!!

I want to scream about Guardians of the Galaxy! That shit was good!! Fuck you, Pinkham!!!

As someone who finds Reddit to be the most annoying website to navigate on earth... I just want to say: Mark... even if your entire job was to troll Reddit for the good stuff, I'd still read you and I don't think it's lazy. It's a real service that I don't have to actually go to Reddit to look for these things myself…

Color me surprised that all the boys are great genius artists and the one girl is a piece of art.

I can even picture it when the cat and I meet. We'd look at each other with barely concealed scorn and I'd be like "C'mere you little furry fuckhead" and I'd grab his face and give it a shake while he would go completely batshit and paw at my hand and arm, claws out.

I once batted away a hamster that bit me in the face and I still feel kind of guilty about it.

I got ginger ale so no one really won. Except me, because I love ginger ale.

I'm THE gay.