I was SO happy they decided to do that.

Seriously, idk what corner of the internet the writer is visiting, but I haven’t seen anyone who feels sorry for Criston. (Heck, I saw people pointing out that both Daario and Jorah would have shut up and been perfectly happy as side jawns.)

Spoilers..

First of all, the name Evie for a cons. womans magazine makes me, to be indelicate for a moment, throw up in my mouth a little.

Evie Magazine’s TikTok influencer founder Brittany Hugoboom (she goes by Brittany Martinez in bylines on Evie)

As a high school freshman, I handed a note to my crush (who I had never spoken to) at the buses after school and then walked away. The note simply said “your hot.”

In seventh grade I had the brilliant idea of joining the football team (I’m a girl) bc my crush played, I’d see him more, we’d have a shared interest, etc. Turns out, I was really good (being bigger than a good bunch of them bc they hadn’t caught up yet, and playing with my dad most of my childhood) and that was not…

You’re just going to have to stage an elaborate months-long come-to-mayonnaise awakening where you “accidentally” get a sandwich with mayo on it, sigh, say you’re too hungry to bother getting it remade, scrape some off, eat the sandwich, be like, “actually it’s not as bad as I thought”, bravely try some potato salad,…

I had a crush on a boy in middle school - he was in 8th grade and I was in 6th and we had lockers near each other. So naturally started putting anonymous notes in his locker. Someone spilled the beans or else he saw me sneaking away and left one in mine that said, essentially, "I know you've been leaving notes in my…

Of my own volition, I ate five whole cloves of raw garlic to impress a boy at chamber music camp. There was no context—it wasn’t truth-or-dare, no relevant inside joke—it was a hormone-fueled impulse that I immediately regretted.

SHAME

When I was 22 I met a guy that I immediately had chemistry with. Through talking all night, he told me he hates mayonnaise. I, being too young to know that it’s okay to have your own opinions in regards to condiments, immediately agreed that I found mayonnaise disgusting...WHICH IS A LIE. I love the stuff!

That’s still no excuse to try and impress Paul Ryan!

Do you mean the time I wrote a haiku on a leaf and gave it to an English major who was an ~*author*~ or the time I bought a dude who constantly ate sushi in class and was a smartass dick a convenience store box of sushi with a note that he could eat mine anytime? Anyway, I transferred out of that school after a year.

For basically all crushes childhood-teenage years: avoid any and all interaction with them hoping to not even so much as cross their paths as the mere sight of them terrified the ever-loving shit out of me so the slightest notion of even talking to one was just outright. You weren’t there, but I’d say my efforts were…

When I was a sophomore in college my university paid for this company that did mobile std testing to come park their gigantic trailer on campus. I was hanging out after lunch with a big group of people that included my crush (he and I were just acquaintances), and as people gradually left it was eventually just me and…

The most ridiculous thing I did to impress a crush was pretend to really like Atlas Shrugged and Ayn Rand because the guy was THAT guy you knew as a teenager. I was 17, horny, and stuck at sleep away camp.

Anal sex.

What didn’t I do to get the attention of my childhood crushes? There are so many cringy stories, but I think one of my favorites was when I convinced my group of friends in middle school to all take turns licking the same Blow Pop. I made sure to lick the Blow Pop right after my crush did so I could get his saliva in…