“We’ll take the Spruce Moose. Get in.”

Ivanka won’t visit him? How cruel, even prisoners get conjugal visits.

“I can’t even imagine what rock bottom is at this point”

“How noble of Trump to apologize. Bill said worse things, which is obviously Hillary’s fault.”

Pence should be advised to stay clear of 5th avenue in NYC.

“And they see horror stories. They see events that you couldn’t see in a movie. Nobody would believe it.”

Goddamit Jon, you couldn’t hold out for just one more year could you? Is dealing with Vince McMahon better than what you were doing with TDS? YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU MAN!

I think we all know who did sent it... Barron Trump.

The onion just announced that he is unfit to be President of the PTA.

If anyone is unfit, it’s Alicia Machado! Get it?? Because she’s not fit. Because she put on a tremendous amount of weight. Just tremendous. Fat!

How... does he know about any sex tape involving her existing anyways?

We need to hypnotize a cop into thinking he’s an unarmed black man.

How can the people of the US be so utterly and irredeemably stupid?

Except that was cloning gone right!

Don’t worry, soon you’ll learn to live only for revenge.

After 20 years of sleeping, the Snorlax finally awakes and Ash still not winning the pokemon league.

I read The Great Singapore Penis Panic like everyone else.

“Bow down” my white ass. The only time I’ll bend for that orange slab of shit is when he dies and that will only be to squat over his gaudy tomb to take a dump on it. No one will be “bowing down” to a hypothetical President Trump, as we’ll all be too busy bending over to collect bits of scrap metal and discarded…

Look what happened to Theon Greyjoy when he was taken as a ward by the Starks! Don’t be a Theon, George P.!