I’m gonna barter my way up to this 787. I’ve got my Gen 4 iPod touch and I’m off to Craigslist.

“Please don’t make it to the round of 8. Please don’t make it to the Round of 8.”

Mandonna: Queen of Pop.

Yeah, I don’t want anyone to know I only got the base model Rolls Royce Wraith.

I suspect he had the under on the Padres-Mariners game.

Well, there goes the value of my Aaron Blair baseball card.

I’m asking on behalf of my good friend John Davis.

By the way, we can’t we bring back jousting? Think of the ratings.

Saddest thing is, many elderly people consider doing themselves in for the exact same reason. Imagine how fucked up it’s going to be, for the aging baby boomers, if Trump gets elected and proceeds to slash Medicare/Medicaid/Disability/Social Security.

This is exactly why the New York Mimes are in first place.

Morley, you fly to Italy and do a story on Lamborghini.

Life Lesson Rule #1: Never owe a favor or money to a Vegas Wiseguy.

I’m almost sure the human “spitball” line was originally “sperm” and the network made them change it.

ME: Wow. You’re upgrading me to a Bentley?!

“Reminds me of the time Pud Galvin of the Buffalo Bisons used a milk canister as a baseball cap in a game against the New York Mutuals.”

I know someone that can get him some replacement genes.

Target bathroom monitor.

I went to my first hockey game in St. Louis almost 20 years ago. It is literally the fastest sport you can watch. Never really a boring moment.

Someone needs to start a “gun rehab” facility.