In 1990, young Zabella had to see everything Christian Slater was in. The spark that was started by the bashful brother in The Legend of Billie Jean turned into a huge crush after watching Heathers. I sat through Gleaming the Cube (someone in Hollywood was like “let’s make a movie with skateboards!”) and The Name of…

attendees applauded anti-vaccine activist Mark Blaxill after he said, “When you hear people from the state public health department saying there is no risk, that [vaccines] are safe, this is the sort of thing that should cause you to be skeptical.”

I’m calling Schadenfreude Festival.

People were scammed and I hope they get their money back.

I’m really enjoying my Fyre Festival experience.

Numerous reporters spotted carts of Bud Light being rolled into the Capitol in preparation for a GOP House celebration.

No, worries, mademoiselle, the oldest hipster in Brooklyn is on the case.

Looks like they blew the special effects budget on a Snapchat mustache filter.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

He seems less the rotund Belgian and more the guy at the state fair who has the T-shirt that reads “Free Mustache Rides!”

Newspaper? You were lucky. We had to line our crates with broken concrete and old razor blades. And pay the airline for the privilege.

It’s not Mario Kart if you’re not shouting expletives and cursing someone’s existence.

Also:

I give it six months before we’re all just stuffed in dog crates with shredded newspaper inside and stacked in the hold next to our luggage.

This shit is maddening. I can’t make myself shorter!

Okay, now can I complain when someone reclines their seat in front of me?

Awesome! More places my long legs won’t fit.

Then THIS seems like a good place to share my little bit of insider info (that is now in a billboard interview so maybe not so insider-y anymore, and you may have already seen it all, but)!

I could seriously read a story a day about this. Just beam them straight into my eyeballs.

I know its supposed to be pronounced “fire”, but i keep reading it as “fry”. Then i get confused/hopeful that this was a french fry festival and wonder how they would fuck that up.