I was too busy trying to uncurse the Cursed Ring to try and save General Leo.

I was once at an arcade where a kid nearly got someone to try it, and he swore up and down that he saw someone do it.

Ah, yes, because no website that uses a vague head-and-shoulders default icon has ever seen trolls. Kudos, Twitter!

Sounds great, right until people start stealing binders to look before the other person is ready.

Some people are ashamed to publicly masturbate, but Paul Ryan is not one of them.

Nobody in their right minds would believe it. I think a Half-Life 4: the Search for Half-Life 3 announcement would be more plausible.

Short but very awful story.

If that’s a pipe dream, pass the pipe.

What’s up with me? Not much; just wondering when that sweet, sweet leftist protest money is supposed to start rolling in. Any minute now...

“... the otherworldly jolt of caffeine a javahead gets from a freshly brewed cup of hot joe with a pinch of salt...”

I stand by my previous statement, quoted above.

Due to a weird genetic quirk, artificial butter used at movie theaters smells like urine to me. Yeah, it’s not the same... but that’s not to the benefit of theater popcorn.

I agree that, if you’re good at ferreting out the good stuff, that it’s an overall bargain. But it ain’t free. It’s more like a buffet - you pay to get in, and thereafter it’s all you can eat.

You know, you could just make popcorn at home.

I’m distracting my kid with the coming of Captain Underpants.

Want proof that anything related to weddings have out of control prices? How about the fact that it cost $25 to get all that “free” stuff?

Syrian kittens are coming in to steal the hard-earned skritches of American cats.

For the person who never wants company over... or who embraces their fetishes.

While this is a step, I think that 50 is too small of a sample size. We need thousands of iterations, and I’ll volunteer to test these cats’ affection. For science.

Sounds like at least one part of the law is doing its job.