when even fox news starts savaging you, you know you fucked up

Unable to make it in Quidditch Christopher Weasley attempted to make the transition to Muggle basketball. He was unsuccessful. 

Ah yes. I believe this dunk is called the naloxone because it ruins everyone’s high.

This is why he started smoking meth.

Wizards are going to have to declare a national emergency to pay his contract.

Has this problem too! CSX will put in heat restrictions pretty quick, but if you listen to Union Station yard in the winter, they often have stuck switches too. When they did the Norfolk, VA interchange through downtown they also installed a ton of propane switch heaters. 

“Wouldda been better if the picture was of his feet.”

That’s because of “heat kinks”, which is similar to when a road buckles from extreme heat. This is something the railroads also deal with in Chicago during the summer.

...and if you’re a particularly daredevilish drifter-type, you can heat up your can of beans on them.

I knew once Deadspin started covering fucking soccer that fencing couldn’t be far behind. 

Yeah I need this to end. I can’t keep sitting here refreshing my browser.

Yup. Maybe people are just getting tired of Scott Boras and his bullshit.

“I’m not a baseball fan and don’t follow the sport”

Publilius Syphllis: You get what you pay for.

A republican caring about something involving two black men is pretty remarkable though. 

As someone who watches CFL football, I hope the NFL never allows PI to be reviewable. What ends up happening is during the replay you see an obvious hold on the o-line that can’t be reviewed, an obvious pick by the offense that also isn’t reviewable, and then the db touches the reciever a split second before the ball…

Sorry to get serious, but what you’ve said brings up a serious point: people who don’t exercise their right to vote won’t notice that it’s being taken away from them until it’s too late. People like Kris Kobach jerk off to that thought every night. It’s really important for community leaders like Marshawn to vote and…

Nope. Zero sympathy for people who don’t like the Republican agenda but say in this day and age that they don’t need to vote. I don’t care how many trucks you drive, or Beastquakes you throw down, or how many blunts you smoke in public. They’re all very cool things, and for all I care you can shove those things up…

Former president, future Fox news commentator.

Dear Deadspin,

How the fuck did you not manage to title this “Portnoy’s Complaint: Barstool is too racist” ???

Sincerely,
Uncle Milty
Dept. of Witty Literary References