still better than 3/5th

(I still have no idea who Britt McHenry is, and I’ve looked into it.)

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”

Whoosh. Sorry.

I even invented imaginary takes: the announcement of the Bruins firing their GM came about 15 minutes later, for instance—surely someone would make an ill-advised attempt to tie the two together?

Well, at least it’s in landscape mode.

I worry deeply about the person who shoots for a career in collecting child porn and strapping electrodes to dicks.

That's part of the job that no one likes to talk about. I once had a conversation with a cop who was on the terrorism beat, and his job was monitoring online terrorist activity. His comment to me about the job? "I used to be part of the group that monitored child pornography. Let me tell you, watching beheadings is…

No, he does not have a point.

That, Tim, was the Finest Kind.

I am disturbed that you are not only drinking at twelve years old but also drinking enough to read beer reviews. Also that you're married. Where are your parents?

I am definitely gonna ask my wife if she wants to have a Nooner tomorrow. And she is definitely gonna say no. I am twelve years old.

She looks, and she's reminded that the joke is really on her.

"A, A, A, A, A ... X — fuck, NO, I MEANT A."

Vincent Kompany playing FIFA 15

"Oy."

Also, star this comment if you went to Catholic school and still remember how much fucking time you'd be spending in chapel this week.

With all of the expertise at Dogfishhead, I think it would really be amazing if one day they decided to brew beer.

A confused Wayne Rooney keeps wondering why he can't swipe the picture right.

By "preserve" you mean turn a unique ballpark into a garish monstrosity while leaving it in such bad condition that there's a non-zero chance that the Cubs will have to play games in U.S. Cellular Field this summer, in service of making slightly more money for some wealthy douche-bro family.