Delicious and nutritious (bonus points if you can spell nutritious without spellcheck)

Not if it’s breakfast:

I have the same gait when I have to poop.

There’s been some awesome American stories so far (Ledecky, Biles, Manuel, etc) and yet, Phelps adding to his country-of-his-own medal count and teabagging Le Clos in one race after another still is tops.

Ray Lewis is responsible for extending Michael Phelps’s career by eight years.

Goddammit.

-M’s fans, every fucking day

If you think progressing to the next round of the Europa League is saving their season, you're retarded.

I hate Berman, but this is my signature golf move and I fully support it.

Jim Tomsula getting the Giants job would be the “best” thing in the world.

Jeffrey Luhnow...didn’t change his password.

That’s not hacking. That’s logging in using a password.

So you’re telling me there’s no season-long commitment?

I’m all for showing your fandom, but that’s really over the line.

Literacy, your next.

{every year that Alabama has been a state}

“Amphetamines? What do frogs have to do with this?”

- Emmitt Smith

Halladay knows all about steroids, being a medical professional and all.

The people who want to see someone go in with a backwards cap better start supporting Larry Walker.

A stroke of genius.

Also, isn’t Simmons from the NY side of Conn?