Let's leave your sex life out of this

Yeah I wish I was an Orioles fan

Well that wasn't condescending at all(e)

You went full Magary there, Chris. Breathe through your nose. Do some yoga.

Just make sure you use a Trojan

Best

YEAH BUT THE RAMS ARE FINALLY BETTER THAN AVERAGE AGAIN

Mike Martz was a crazy motherfucker. I miss him.

I remember listening to this in a house that I used to live in

It’s called bed head and the reason your mom told you to avoid bed head is probably connected to that time I was fucking her while your Dad was in Europe on business but then she realized school was out and she had to pick you up so she ran out of the house with her hair all over the place and it was obvious that…

“Is Morehead better?” I asked

Really in Pieces?

In fact he’s been a cunt for at least 14 years.

I must have missed the part of the New Testament where Jesus turns his blood into nacho cheez sauce

Have you considered sex in a parking lot?

Russian bride

It sucks that the only actual human option for Prez is being human and wondering if he should be this race

You had me at cum

Why do I have to choose only one?

Steve!