Chris Kattan sucks face like no one's business.

For some reason I can't stand Dax Shepard, but I'm sure he's a thoughtful, loving husband—probably a generous lover too.

It seemed to me that their careers just grew apart. Sure, he rode a motorcycle with raptors, but she was in The House Bunny AND the emoji thing. I'm glad that their agents stepped in and got them to think about what's best for their sequels.

You keep it so real!

Didn't Tool make Bi-teralus to support him?

Hey! 9/11 is why I'm impotent!

If it weren't for Titanic, we wouldn't have gotten that joke trailer for Amistad 2.

Playing Soviet Strike and masturbating to Red Shoe Diaries.

Wok n' Roll or Mall Wok-ers?

My bad. I just found out that my favorite curry place closed and I'm taking it out on strangers today. God, I hope no one sees my Breitbart comments…

Are will and Jada still together? Creating Jaden and Willow would have torn apart a typical couple though…

I breast-fed until I was 30. You know—for the antibodies and nutrients…

[EDIT] Just like my past self, he always knew—deep down—that you'd end up spending your days writing funny comments about 90's nostalgia pieces and political commentary show segments.

I think it was the first time I touched a boob that wasn't my mom's. Now, I'm so desensitised to them, compared to then!

Just like my past self, he always knew—deep down—that you'd end up spending your days writing funny comments about 90's nostalgia pieces and political commentary show segments.

I was gorgeous and vibrant when I was 22. It's a toss-up between that age and 27—right before I turned into a melted Shrek figurine.

I mourned Anna when she kept doing the Scary Movie films after Keenan Ivory Wayans left.

I was thirteen so I probably dressed/acted like a piece of shit. That has to be everyone's worst age.

Should have used Zayn Malik instead of Harry Styles…

Same thing!