It’s like Mark Wahlberg has died and gone to heaven. He got to be an NFL player and band front-man, Navy SEAL, an astronaut, various bad boy police detectives, an insurance salesman, a math teacher, AND an oil rig worker.

The way they used Capt Miasma stunk!

At least dogs can shit in movie theaters — which they might actually prefer.

Every thing Michelle Bachman has done is out of her pent up anger that her husband is gay — so she’s looking after one woman...

It is a bit risky in the Land of 10,000 Luyendyk’s...

If conservatives get their way, and reality TV personality reciprocity becomes law, then this will all be for naught.

Obama (read: Satan) is tearing down our history, and I can’t please myself to likes from my old comments anymore!

I'll be here. What else am I supposed to do? Work? Sleep with my wife?

Remember when George Foreman released all of those self-titled children?

*Dikachu slaps the shit out of you, and it's socially acceptable.*

"It's a living…"

Even Astro made 25% more for the same job as Judy.

Ever notice how everyone is white? See the progress you get when you advance past multiculturism!

After this crap in Barcelona and Charlottesville, can we just put all of the muslim extremists and white supremacists on an island to fight to the death. We could do a sort of Pay-per-view thing for the rest of us.

I like that Hope Hicks is taking the laissez faire approach to White House communications. I think Donald had been too subdued during the past seven months.

Damn… white people are just throwing us half-eaten burritos and/or bullets.

I just thought of a messenger bag full of microwave burritos and got really sad.

Wasn't he under investigation for quid pro quo?

The "butt-fumble" was only one play, but it will be the only thing anyone remembers about Mark Sanchez.

They'd probably be Gwenyth Paltrow and the Goopers.