Huckabee... Huckabutt... Fuckabutt... Fuck that atrocious "house" — I've seen trailer park homes that are more attractive.

I've been to two Billy Joel concerts — both within the past decade — and they both involved Joel making some snide remarks about the disgusting jerk that is Ted Nugent. I can't remember the quote from about 10 years ago, but this past March he paused between songs to use some throat spray and remarked:

I can't really speak to starting a sorority, but I did help recharter a coed national community service fraternity at my school — and that was pretty easy, even without the Internet. From my experience, it requires more work with your local college than it does a national organization (should you chose to start a new…

Anthony Mackie is kind of the best thing ever. JLo points to her butt? "Happiness!"

Sitting in hot tubs with pumice-y walls and seats will do it. Had I only gone swimming in those bottoms, I'm sure they would've lasted longer (i.e., not pilled so quickly), but even so they weren't the worst quality for a ~$15 investment.

Well, I did get a lot of use out of a Peter Pilotto for Target bikini... Somehow, the bustier wiring managed to fit me (and maybe 3 other people, if you look at the reviews online) perfectly, and black & white graphic prints are like catnip to me.

One can only hope that laughing gas was involved.

But what ever happened to Amy Adams? Even if Big Eyes wasn't exactly her strongest performance to date, she has been deserving of that Oscar ever since her Junebug days.

Well, there were 28 Black Widows in the Red Room, and Scarlett Johansson portrays only one of them...

The one and only Chris Evans. It's a rare breed that is equally hot, bearded or no.

Closed the trunk of a car on my pinky finger the night before my first day of 6th grade. Had to wait for my mom to find me when she got home... 45 minutes later. Fractured my finger in three places and had to have 2 surgeries — but I got out of the volleyball unit in PE, so more of a win-win scenario.

One word — Spanx.

Back when I danced at a pre-professional school, girls would wear these trash-bag shorts for warm-ups, not weight loss (they had none to lose), but they certainly made you sweaty as fuck.

I'm just wondering how many humorous "patriarchy" gifs we'll be getting out of this one ;)

I'm rather partial to Chris Evans... Silly, adorable goobers with dogs are kind of my thing.

Chris Evans, beard or no, would be doing a lot of wow-ing. Take note, Calvin Klein!

The "rower who can't afford the mealplan diet" worked wonders for me in college. Academic nor athletic scholarships cover on-campus food, which resulted in a good 20 pounds of weight loss.

I was 5. In my household, Santa always left a note for me, telling me about how well I had done that year and what I needed to improve on. Santa was never a fan of my tendency to wear tap shoes at all hours of the day... Anyway, my mom (and grandmother, who lived with us) would read it to me before we ate breakfast…

It's actually a word-for-word translation, which makes me curious about the etymology of the phrase... But it sure does sound prettier in Spanish (and probably more so in French, if it's a thing)!