I liked Roy the Rooster since his sole reason for living was to play pranks on people and then laugh in their face.

Jim Davis looks like Mr. Drummond from “Diff’rent Strokes.”

Didn’t she say her dad named her Six because that was how many beers he had the night he impregnated her mom?

Gaby Hoffman’s mom breastfed her until she was even older than that, I think.

Every time I see her now, I think “Margaret Hamilton.”

The moms will put the baby down for his nap and the gay guys will probably go out clubbing or something.

The people in power are afraid of her. They don’t know how to handle a woman who’s not afraid to talk about how drunk she got last weekend. Plus, as she has told us once or twice, she has sex with black guys!

We need to repopularize the word “buffoon.” “Clown” is another good one, though people tend to take it literally, as in “scary clown” instead of “clown who throws a tantrum at Burger King.”

“But remember, it’s still business as usual at Unpainted Arizona! If you can find lower prices anywhere, my name STILL ain’t Nathan Arizona!”

You think you can come into my office and bark at me like some, some junkyard dog? I AM THE PRESIDENT!

The girl at the blues bar with the curly red hair that Enid tries to set Seymour up with was my next-door neighbor when I lived in Hollywood.

Ptooey!

I worked at The Hut and would give the video store guys free pizza for movies.

I worked at Pizza Hut, but I had a crush on a sad-eyed girl a year younger than me who worked at Little Caesar’s.

I hate to say it, but Popeye’s sucks. I occasionally eat KFC, which is good if you don’t mind a kind of greasy meal. But everyone acts like Popeye’s is the gourmet of fast-food chicken.

And give Hulk Hogan his moustache back!

What percentage of movies about teenage girls are written by middle-aged men and feature a teenage girl taking an unusual interest in a middle-aged man?

Did you know, lad, that I can make myself uglier yet?

No one plots like Gaston!

The one for The Rescuers kind of freaked me out. Let’s set a Disney movie in a swamp featuring a kidnapped girl, menaced by alligators and told by her captors that she’s with them because nobody could love an ugly girl like her. Plus then she has to retrieve a diamond and nearly drowns.