Come over here so I can vomit on you like you deserve.

If you think for one minute these institutions are friendly to anyone who was any kind of an outsider in their previous life, much less within their family, then I have a transatlantic highway in Poughkeepsie I've been trying to offload for a while now. Living up to the standards outlined above as "crucial" requires…

The whole thing reads like "I have never experienced the actual professional environment this experience is supposedly readying me for."

If they're getting into the uterus they are actually gutting each other, which seems like a bit of a niche market.

I love you, for I resisted the allure of ANY boybands during middle & high school (during the insink era) only to find myself almost 30 and listening to Night Changes with unadulterated joy.

This reminds me of the time I saw Juno, and she is persuaded to not have an abortion by the thought, among other things, that her fetus already has fingernails, and I made a vow then to never get pregnant because wow, nothing that has fingernails ever needs to be that deep inside me.

My only argument with this gif is that Bugs doesn't go far enough. You don't cure the cancer by only cutting off part of the tumor.

I'm enraged. Everyone knows that the most important part of being awful in private is to be visibly upstanding in public so that no one looks too hard into your activities!

If I thought it would help, I would gleefully detail on my resume the specifics of that time when me and 4 friends set up a deal with each other where we would buy a gallon jug of Carlo Rossi sangria every week, with the stipulation that between the 5 of us, we had to finish the whole jug before it was time to buy the…

Everything you say makes it seem like an idea whose time has passed - not that women don't still need places to congregate, but the focus of this particular congregation is so clearly defined by people who have not yet experienced the real world, where "looking presentable" has nothing to do with 5 types of makeup or…

You KNOW they drivel on about being "classy" all the time ("OMG, Caity, that dress is so slutty on you, but like, classy slutty, you know?") just like you KNOW that if they ever have occasion to write it down, they spell it with a K.

I'm only surprised she didn't specify nail length. I feel a deep hunger to pay one of the girls to get 5-inch monster-claw french tips, because I believe in obeying the letter of the law always and the spirit of the law never.

I'm super not-down with polish week, but as long as Polish week means all the gulash, pierogies, and kielbasa I can eat, I am completely into it.

To be totally honest though I would join the emo sorority. All those girls to teach you how to paint your nails perfectly black without flooding your cuticles, and how to perfect your side-bang. This is the kind of info I need.

When I went to study abroad in London, our orientation adviser told everyone that if they participated in Greek life on campus, to leave it off our resumes (the program had set us up with job/internship prospects, but we still needed to interview to actually get them). He said that they don't have anything like the…

If I was reading the article correctly yesterday, the other two are also not going to be tried until the first cases are over.

Truly there is no sphere of human endeavor in which Neil deGrasse Tyson is not supremely talented.

I'm hoping that's next on her agenda if the declawing measure goes through. Those procedures are already banned through most of Europe, and they strike me as even more insanely cruel, since docking and cropping aren't even about making ownership of the animal more convenient, it's totally cosmetic. And I've heard…

I once had a pretty brilliant professor who told us some pretty rational stuff on the subject of lotto wins, although I can't remember why it came up. He said, "Your first phone call is to a lawyer. Your second phone call is nothing. Your lawyer's job is to find you a financier, your job is to say nothing." Honestly,…

Not to mention, the schedule for the kids being prepped for the majors is so focused and singleminded that learning about things like money isn't a high priority.