Bitches, please.

“Okay, so I’ll only do two of the three.”

Can he do anything else? At least anything else without wheezing uncontrollably?

I thought Drew was supposed to be writing the “Why Your Team Sucks” articles.

You keep them inside your head? My Pixie is about to chomp/destroy my hand over my laughing so hard.

Also April: First and second rounds, TBD vs. Golden State

Chain gain sounds like one of the nonsensical ramblings of the steroid-dealing anger management dropouts at sweaty gyms.

As a Redbirds fan, I’m distraught that I won’t get to be there when my team knocks his block off unless they hold off until next year.

I don’t know - the same sort of awful people who hated Shaq because he was too urban like both teams equally.

He doesn’t need a murder dungeon. His players do it free range, which is much more sporting.

+1 plate of spaghetti

Binghamton Rumble Ponies

Give it to Wannstedt instead.

I know this from personal experience.

Is this an elaborate John McCain joke? If it is, I’m in.

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Since the first person mentioned in the article was inseminated based on a weird conjecture and considered an abortion over delivering an unwanted boy (who I pray will never see this article!), I’m wondering if it will become more effective.

This is the best take. You can put that on the board...

This is all that the Yankees wanted out of the trade, lol.

It’s the White Sox, so he’s legitimately in the list for possible closers. No, seriously, Daryl Van Schouwen has him in late-inning situations.