Ah, the fake kneel. That’s the move elderly or overweight Catholics do at church where they just scoot their ass a little closer to the edge of the pew so they don’t have to struggle to get back up.

I've typed out like 6 different jokes but I can't bring myself to post any. This shit isn't funny. This fucker shouldn't be playing in the NFL right now making millions of dollars. He should be in jail or therapy or both. Fuck this guy.

No sympathy for everybody’s favorite fancy dog. You watch a Thursday night Titans-Jags game, you get what you have coming to you.

I’d suggest they just burn East Lansing to the ground, but the students will do that the next time they beat Eastern Michigan.

If he really wanted to emulate the Undertaker, it should have taken him at least 12 minutes to get from the on-deck circle to the batter’s box.

That ball will REST...IN...PEACE.

My favorite Elwayism in this article:

Yes. Had it been me I’d have been on my way to my local supermarket to pick up some fried chicken from the hot bar.

He just took the 110 to the 10 but the 10 was jammed so he got off on Venice boulevard until the PCH and got there in like 40 minutes, there was even street parking.

Especially the image if the trade had fallen through of River’s despondently eating sushi. With Austin, one assumes, tries to get Doc’s attention, while also concealing the fact that he squirted Kewpie on his pants.

For some reason, my favorite part of the story is that in the middle of the biggest day of Clippers history, Doc was on his way to Nobu Malibu.

Doubling up on a comment, but every bit of body language he expressed was the n-word.

THIS. It cannot be stressed enough that Eli “Plays the Right Way” Manning STARTED his career by saying he wouldn’t play if the Chargers took him, forcing his way to a preferred destination from moment one. I’ve never seen a primadonna move anywhere in the ballpark of what Manning did coming from Cam Newton.

And demanded not playing in San Diego.

Who’s selfish? Eli has kept playing, getting paid massive amounts of money and preventing the Giants from moving on for years. That’s selfish. Three years ago, Manning could have told the team, “I know my days of being a starting-quality QB are limited. Go out and grab a good young QB and I’ll take him under my wing.”

Finebaum might as well have started his rant with

Oh God, that image of Finebaum with his hand in his pocket and his other hand flapping around is great. He got nailed to the wall while the spotlight was right on him. I guarantee you he yelled at the producers for letting them speak to him like that.

the “how he cares about the world” part was somehow the most egregious thing finebaum said imo. suddenly he cares about cam’s philanthropic efforts when he probably has never given two shits about what eli does off the field.

the venn diagram of people who say “stick to sports” and then in the very next sentence say…

Paul Finebaum is a grade A douche.  He’s hated Cam ever since Cam beat Paul’s lord and savior Nick Saban, in 2010.  Cam’s taken more late hits, targeting, etc than any QB in the league, probably combined (anyone remember the Super Bowl rematch against Denver a couple of season openers ago?) Paul should strap a helmet…

It’s weird to me when people on a sports site don’t know what “over/under" means.